Freedom

This has been an interesting season for me. I have really enjoyed Christmas and all that the holiday offers. It has been fun to give and to receive. I have loved seeing my children understand the difference between Santa and Jesus.
I received a new gift this year - freedom. The freedom not to care if I gained 5 lbs. over the holidays....freedom to say goodbye to the past and the hurts that lie there....freedom to embrace the future and actually look forward instead of backward.
Here's what started me on this journey....myspace. I know...I know....not a likely place to gain freedom. However, it was through this media that I was faced with memories from the past and felt the need to deal with it once and for all. I'm not going to bore you with all the details, but sufficed to say that I argued with God and He won. He had me contact someone that I didn't want to , had no intention of every speaking with again really. But, I did it and I have to say that it felt good. The response was not overwhelming - really quite underwhelming, but for once it didn't matter. I felt the need to release that poison from my soul and I did. I can't say that I will ever be a part of this person's life, but now I don't have to cringe whenever I'm faced with the prospect of seeing them.
I have a long ways to go before I'm completely free, but I feel like I've taken a major step forward. Happy New Year!

Tamale party

Here are Cais and I at Amadeo's Tamale Party on Saturday. We had a great time of fellowship and eating some AWESOME mexican food. Homemade Tamales (which I helped make, by the way), rice, beans and salsa. My tummy is growling just thinking about it! (I have to laugh cause when I typed "growling" I first typed "growing" - I guess you could say that too! HA!)
This is going to be an annual event. Much fun was had by all - including the kids!

In other news....my bruise is healing, so my bum doesn't hurt as much - although there is still a huge knot....house is coming along nicely - there is now carpet and sinks and toilets in....looking forward to next Monday - CHRISTMAS! My favorite day of the year!

Love to all!

An embarrassing predicament....

So, I was headed down the stairs Saturday night when I literally "headed" down the stairs. My foot slipped on the top step and I flew up in the air and down six stairs right on my bum! OUCH!
I was so embarrassed! I cried and that made the kids come out of their rooms.....good grief! Man oh man was I (and still am) ever sore. Sunday morning I could barely move! I'm sure people at church thought I was walking weird and VERY slow.
The most embarrassing thing is that for two days I could not sit down comfortably! Sunday, I couldn't sit down for more than two minutes at a time...I was pacing in the back of church.....maybe Ben thought I was interceeding or something....HA! Today is the first day I'm able to sit without wincing or wanting to throw up.
AND THE BRUISE! Oh man, you should see the bruise. J took a picture, but it was a little too personal to post on my blog, if you know what I mean! HA! You all know that I bruise really easily and this is the WORST bruise I have ever had! It was a huge knot in it and is currently dark purple......
So, I've given you all your laugh for the day! Enjoy it! HA!

House

Here are some pics of the new house. I took them this weekend! Enjoy!

the good, the bad, and the ugly

So, we had a nice Thanksgiving and all that. Never been a big fan of turkey and stuffing, so it was just another meal to me. I AM looking forward to Christmas where we are going to have a big Mexican fiesta on Christmas day! THAT is something to look forward to!
Anywhoo....this week has been quite interesting, so I thought I'd share a few observations with you on the week that was November 22-29, 2006:

The good:
Had fun with family for Thanksgiving....got to read a HILARIOUS story about Chris' Thanksgiving on her myspace page (25 lb. turkey with an attitude! HA!).....had a nice weekend just relaxing with my family.....got to go shopping....made a gingerbread house....put up Christmas decorations and did the tree with the kids.....it was so great to see Aaron and Christina on Thanksgiving and spend some time with them.... I am going to start getting paid by the church, so HALLELUJAH! Hopefully, I won't have to look for another job as well - keep up your prayers!

The bad:
Wil woke up at 2:30 am Thanksgiving morning and threw his guts up all day.....took my car back to the shop for the 5th time and it STILL isn't fixed right......Sam was sent home for the third time in as many weeks for throwing up....found out that I won't be able to go to Florida in Feb.....just too busy - so next year for sure!

The ugly:
Black Friday - oh my goodness...oh my goodness....what is up with the insane people getting up at 4 am to stand in line in front of a store for 2 hrs., only to have everything gone 5 min. after the store opens? Do not ever ask me to do that again....it was not fun....it was actually sad to see the greed come out in people....a little disconcerting to say the least.....I got yelled at by a lady and you know that really doesn't work well for me.....all in all not a "good time"......

Anyway, that was a brief snapshot of the week. If you haven't been watching "Heroes" or "Friday Night Lights", you don't know what you're missing! Man, it's nice to actually watch some well written shows for once! If you get a chance, check them out!

joy and giving thanks...

Happy Thanksgiving to you all! We are excited to be staying in Phoenix this year for the holiday season. NO TRAVELING! Hooray! But, I hope for all of you who are, that you will be safe and enjoy the time with family and friends.

I attended the Women of Faith conference this past weekend with my mom and cousin, Lesha. We had a great time and really enjoyed the conference as a whole. There was one speaker that really stood out to me, maybe because we have similar backgrounds, or maybe because she just spoke something that really hit me where I live. Her name was Luci Swindoll (sister of Chuck) and she talked about how we should celebrate life and find the pockets of joy in everyday - even the bad ones! I can't remember everything she said, but the theme of her talk really convicted me.

As most of you know, I am a pretty pessimistic person - definitely a glass half empty type of gal if you know what I mean. I have a hard time seeing the good in the bad. I realized this weekend that it has been a long time since I had a good belly laugh. It is much easier to see the bad stuff going on, focus on that and forget that there is always joy to be found. So, in order to get myself headed in a different direction, I am going to list 5 things that bring me joy:

1. My husband. We have a very difficult year thus far. With the closing of our business, almost filing bankruptcy, and some personal issues....we have been skating on some pretty thin marital ice. However, J brings me so much joy! He is always trying to find ways to make me smile. He sometimes goes to the extreme of nuttiness in order to do so, but he can always wring a smile or laugh out of me. I choose to love him every day for the rest of my life. He is my joy.
2. My kids. While they may drive me crazy, they do things every day that bring me so much joy. From snuggling up to me on the couch to helping out with house cleaning - they always want to see me happy. I want to enjoy this time in their lives. I choose to focus on the "pockets of joy" vs. the bad moments. They are my joy.
3. My parents. I have so enjoyed the last year and a half of living near them. They are such special people and I am so glad that they are my parents. I choose to enjoy the good times and not focus on the sad ones. They are my joy.
4. My new house. I can't wait to move in! I am looking forward to clean carpet and the freshness that a new house brings. I choose to focus on the excitement of moving in and not the anxiety of mortgage payments or the possibility of finding a job. Finally moving into a house that is 'ours" will bring me joy!
5. My church. Finally, a place where we feel a sense of belonging! We have been so welcomed by all these people in Amadeo. We are moving to Sundays in a couple weeks and I feel a certain anticipation in that. I feel that God is telling us to get ready! I choose to walk in that anticipation! These people and this church bring me joy.

There! That wasn't too bad! I want to choose to walk in faith that God will continue to bring me reminders to look for the pockets of joy in my life. Life...celebrate it....live...laugh...learn...love. (Luci Swindoll). May God begin to show you the small things to be thankful for during this time. I am so thankful for all of you!

grumble...grumble....grumble....

It's so annoying how just when you think you're getting on top of things, something comes along to knock you back down.
Sunday morning, J went out to do the paper route around 1:30 am and found that someone had smashed the passenger side window in his truck. So, he brushed the glass aside and did his route. As we were leaving later that morning to take pictures, he discovered that someone has done the same thing to MY passenger side window on the CR-V. ARGH! So, we spent the rest of the day calling the police and insurance companies and cleaning out the glass in both of our cars. Luckily, I have glass coverage on my car, so it's covered. I'm actually waiting for the glass company to come fix it now. Unfortunately, J does NOT have the same coverage so it's going to cost us $180 to fix his window. How irritating is that? Some stupid person decides to get their jollies off of breaking our windows and WE have to pay for it??????? Grumble....grumble...grumble....

I guess I should be happy that no one was hurt and that nothing was stolen from inside the cars. J had cash in his truck and that wasn't gone. It just makes me so mad that people do this - what is up with that?

In better news - the financing on the house is going through fine. The payments are about what we thought they would be, so that's a relief. There is one loan that our mortgage guy is trying to get for us. It would be so great, but we have a 50/50 chance of getting it. So PRAY that it comes though. We went to the design center last week and picked out our carpet/tile and appliances. That was really fun. The house is moving right along. It's painted and the countertops are in. We go by about once a week to see the progress. The kids are enjoying that.

We had a fun Halloween, although we've decided that going to a church carnival might be the better way to go next year. We have so much candy - not good for someone who really shouldn't have any chocolate at all! It's going to find a special hiding place today. Probably in the bottom of my freezer! HA!

That's about it for now! We are moving right along! Looking forward to going to the zoo with Cais on Thursday for a field trip. The kids have Friday off of school, so we're going to hang out with my friend Jessica and her boys at the park. No soccer this week and next weekend is the last weekend! HOORAY! Looking forward to having a break from that. Sam is going to play next season (Jan-Mar), but Cais has decided to try something else....gymnastics perhaps?

We miss and love you all!

Happy Halloween

Here are my cute kiddos from Halloween. We had fun - just went trick or treating in our neighborhood and my parent's. Cais was a princess, Sam was a Ninja Turtle and Wil was Swiper the Fox from Dora.

one year later...

I just realized that it's been just a little over a year since I started this blogging process. It's funny when you go back and look at a year's worth of writing and see how much you've changed and how differently you view the world around you.
For me, I realize that I have a much more realistic view of life than ever before. There have been several things happen in the last year to make me realize that life is definetly what you choose to make it. You can either decide to lay down and die, or pick yourself up, dust off and move forward.

Choice is a difficult thing. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to be able to make my own choices and do my own thing. Little did I realize that those years were the golden moments of life. Choices were made for you - no deciding where money was coming from and to whom it was going to. You lived life freely - no constraints of time, money, cell phones, children, mortgages, etc... What a life!

As an adult, hindsight is 20/20. I long for the days of childhood. Somedays I would like to just ride my bike outside for hours - without the pain on my knees! HA! But I do see that being able to make my own choices is one of the greatest teaching tools I have ever had in my life. I don't regret my choices, because I have either learned something from the results, or they have shaped my into who I am today.

I have recently been challenged with a choice in my personal life. It has pushed me to the brink of who I am and what I believe about life and loving others in general. Never before have I had to dig so deeply into myself and press into God as I have in this situation. But through this challenege I have come into a new awareness of what choice really is. It is obedience. It is sacrifice. It is giving up control of what YOU want and viewing the situation through God's eyes. Agape love...look it up...live it for a week....my challenge to you....

In other news....we are moving right along! We qualified for the house and now we have to figure out how to pay for it! HA! Pray for us as we seek God's will in this. Going back to work is looking like the only option, so pray that God will provide the right job with the right schedule for me. Will probably start looking after Christmas.
We are getting ready for Halloween on Tuesday. I'll post pics then - should be cute!
Hope all is well where you are. I'm so looking forward to the holidays - my favorite time of year. Remember....Phoenix is beautiful in the winter....come visit!

TV Observations

Grey's Anatomy - Meredith should definitely be on drugs more often! That was hilarious. Although I was disappointed she ended up picking Derek, the drug scenes were worth it. 8 million for Izzy? Who knew Denny was so loaded?

ER - If you did not watch this last night, you missed out on one of the funniest scenes I've seen in awhile. The Mommy and Me class fiasco was so funny - I could totally identify....I have one of those Snuggli baby holders and have encountered the same stupidity in regards to it.....made me glad I never went to one of those classes......Abby's comeback was priceless!

Anyway, just a couple observations from someone who was FINALLY at home for an evening!

Vindication?

I heard on the radio today that in a study of over 5500 kids that breastfed kids are no smarter than formula fed....HA! Vindication?!?!?!?
Sorry - I just had to include that......

Anyway, here is a quick update.
We are doing fine. The church is so wonderful - Ben has been challenging and stretching J and I to think beyond our small circle and so we have been trying to reach out to others in our neighborhood/school/soccer games, etc... Really trying to love others with God's love...which means EVERYONE, no matter how needy or weird or irritating they are! HARD!!!! We are really starting to feel a part of something amazing. Everyone has been so welcoming and encouraging. It so reminds me of what we had in Heber....
Kids are great. This picture is from Crazy Hair day...Sam had a mohawk (which you can't see real well) and Cais had pigtails all over her head. It's Spirit Week at Destiny, so they are having fun. A whole week with no uniforms! They are looking forward to Halloween and Fall Break (next week). Wil is doing great too. He so wants to be in school like his brother and sister. So, I think I'm going to try and get him into the Gilbert Park and Rec. program like I did with Sam.
J's job is going well. He has won a couple of bids, so that is encouraging. He has worked so hard, it's nice to see it pay off finally. He is really getting involved in church, with men's group and helping with set-up/tear down.
I'm doing good as well. Doing a little work for Amadeo as well as helping with the women's Bible study. My mom started working a couple days a week, so I have been using those days to get all my housework done. BSF is great - we are studying the book of Romans this year and it has been really interesting. I'm so busy, I can't sit down for two minutes!
We are still looking for a house. We really would like to live in the neighborhood where we have church. Please pray that God would lead us to where HE wants us to be. We want to be effective witnesses in our neighborhood! Luckily, we have a couple months before we have to make any decisions.
Anywhoo....that was a longer update that I expected! Hope all is well with all of you!

welcome baby cloud

Congrats to Ben and Mandy on the birth of Grayson Bono Cloud. Born yesterday at 7:25 pm - weighing in at 8 lbs. 10 ozs. and 21 inches long. Heard he's cute and chubby! Hooray for a healthy birth!

happy birthday j

Monday was J's 30th birthday. We went to Buca di Beppo on Saturday for his party. We had a great time. His mom, Betty was here and our friends Ben and Mandy and J's boss Marty came along with my parents and Aaron and Christina. I think he was pleasantly surprised by everyone and was very blessed. Here are some pics of our time together:

The kids


Mom and Dad


Aaron and Christina


Ben and Mandy

misunderstood

I guess I need to clarify what I said in my previous post. I was pretty steamed when I read the article, so a lot of that was venting.
No, I am not mad at breastfeeding moms. I think that if you can do that - great!
No, I do not feel that any of you have made me feel bad for bottle feeding...for goodness sake, Jenell practically drove to my apartment herself to give Cais a bottle!
I am not ashamed of having to bottle feed by kids. Like I said, I'm just really tired of making excuses for doing so.
I AM tired of reading article after article making breastfeeding sound like if you don't do it, you are a bad mom or your kids will be "less than". Disagree if you want, but it's the truth. EVERY mom I have ever met who bottle feeds will tell you the same thing.
Geez people.....don't you know me at all?????

rant

OK - I have to say that if I hear one more thing about how breastfed babies are smarter, prettier, nicer, don't get sick/ear infections, more apt to go to college, more likely to win a Nobel Peace Prize, etc...I am going to puke!
The newest insult stems from an article I read in my Parents magazine today. NOW, not only are breastfed babies all of the above and so much more, NOW they don't wet the bed as much as their formula fed counterparts. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have tried to be nice about this, but I am taking the gloves off. JUST BECAUSE YOU BREASTFEED YOUR BABY...DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE PERFECT AND NEITHER IS YOUR CHILD!
Believe me, I have seen lots of breastfed babies and I like the fact that my kids were formula fed. My kids have had their share of problems, but NONE of my three kids had any issue potty training! And, they had formula every day until they were a year old! I got to sleep and my husband got to take a turn at 2 in morning! I am DONE making excuses about why I didn't breastfeed! Maybe it was - gasp - because it's a complete pain it the butt and more trouble than it's worth??!!?!?! Everyone else gets to have an opinion, but mine doesn't count - PLEASE!!!
Every kid does stuff at their own pace and in their own timing. WHO CARES!!!!!!!!! Why does everything have to be a competition? And this is from someone who is very competitive! Good grief, don't we have bigger problems in our world to deal with? No, we have to give out "grant" money for the sake of studying breastfeeding and potty training?!?!?!?! In the words of one of my favorite reporters, John Stossel,- GIVE ME A BREAK!

soccer stars

Here are a couple pics of my "soccer stars" in action this weekend. Cais won her game (2-0) and ALMOST scored. Sam's team lost (5-3), but he got to play goalie for the first time ever and as you can see, he loved it! He blocked three shots and only got scored on once! He is the youngest player on the team and can play with the best of them. I was really proud of both of them. One of the boys on Cais' team has a crush on her (his mom told me). That was a little weird to hear! I don't know that J and I are quite ready for that! HA!
Anyway, enjoy the pics! I'll post more towards the middle of the week.

here's to you Jenell

I ate at Golden Corral tonight.....enough said.......

growing pains

Where do I begin....I guess at the beginning...only seems the most obvious....
Anyway, going to church is hard. Anyone else feel that way? Especially when you are new. I swear, to come from a church where everyone knows your name and then to go somewhere where no one does is hard. (Anybody feel like singing the theme song from "Cheers" here??? Ha!)
Don't get me wrong. I'm really excited about Amadeo. We had our first service last night and I was able to see what God is doing in the midst of us. It was really great to finally start. I'm sure the others who started this whole thing felt the same way.
But, it's difficult to explain the feeling of walking into a room and having people smile at you and not really know who you are or why you're there. Again, that feeling of being "known". What is up with that?
It's very curious to me why I feel this way. No one has made me feel unwelcome...but here I am, feeling sad and down....over nothing really! I guess I'm feeling impatient. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again. I haven't felt that way in almost two years. Going back to Park City probably was a set back for me. While I know we are in the right place, I also really miss our "family" in Utah.
I think that's why last night was hard for me. In Utah I would be the one in charge of the peripheral stuff and everyone would be coming to me saying "Jen, what do you want me to do?" Instead I'm asking that same question and people are looking at me like "who are you?" OK - maybe this is a control thing....I don't know.
Jenell and I have been talking a lot lately about missing what we used to have. It's hard when the people you want to see the most live a zillion miles away and you can't just call them up and say "let's go get a coffee, I need to cry..." I don't have someone like that here for me, so I think that's why I'm feeling this way.
OK - this is making me cry now, so I'm going to stop writing about this. I'm OK - just needed to get that off my chest.
Everything else is great. Planning J's birthday party (the big 3-0) and I've invited lots of people to come (Betty is coming too! YEA!). We're going to have it at Buca di Beppo, which should be fun! The kids are doing great - but are soooooo busy! I'm questioning why I thought that soccer and kid's bible clubs would work.....oh well! They're hanging in there.... Their first games are on Saturday, so we are looking forward to that. Luckily for us, Cais' practice is in our subdivision. I took on the position of VP for our PTSO at school, so that enables me to put in my time that we're supposed to for the school. But, it just makes me busier....HA! Maybe that's good for right now....growing pains...who knew???

angels

Well, all I can say is that J has BIG angels watching over him. This happened yesterday in the parking lot at Target. A lady was in a big hurry to get back to work and gunned in out of her parking space without looking and backed right into J. Cais and Wil were with him....luckily, no one was hurt. So now we get to go through the fun tasks of getting the car fixed, driving a rental car and replacing Wil's car seat. Once a child in a car seat has been in an accident, the seat is no longer termed "usable". I have to say that we are so lucky. J had his window rolled down and his arm hanging out of the window. He saw the woman in time and pulled his arm back inside. If he hadn't, we'd be talking a lot more seriously right now. She would've smashed his arm...possibly damaging it for life. ANGELS I'm telling you!

Other than that fun start to our week, all is well. Haven't seen any lice and had a LONG talk with the principal about it. She calmed a lot of my fears. Sam and Hurl are still the best of friends. I know the kid's name is strange, but he is totally cute and just loves Sam. You don't know how I've prayed for Sam to have a guy friend his age! We had a nice weekend just hanging out with my parents. Had dinner with friends on Saturday, church on Sunday and car crashes on Monday! HA! Actually, my parents babied us on Monday and we went to lunch and played mini golf. So, just a nice relaxing weekend. BSF starts next week and my mom is going to be the Treasurer and I will be her assistant! HA! I'm really looking forward to going through the book of Romans.

Hope you all had a great weekend. MATT SELF! IF YOU ARE READING THIS, CALL ME AND LET'S MAKE SOME PLANS FOR YOU GUYS AND US GUYS TO GET TOGETHER!!!!!

bugs and other nasty things....

As you all know, I hate bugs... pretty much any kind, with the possible exception of ladybugs and praying mantis'. They completely creep me out and I always scream like a little girl when I first see them. Last week, I saw a cricket on a box I was trying to get into and I screamed until my throat hurt!
The bug I hate the worst? Mosquitos....definitely....and of course due to all the rain we've had over the last couple of weeks, we have an infestion of the little blood suckers. If you know me well, you know that when I get mosquito bites they swell up to the size of quarters. You also know that I tend to get many if I get one. So as you probably already can guess, I have had many mosquito bites in the last week....25 to be exact....and I'm NOT exaggerating! YUCK!
The only other thing I hate worse than bugs are things that are dirty. And of course, God, with His hilarious sense of humor has seen to it that both of these things have come together to make my life hell. (I'm NOT being dramatic! :))
I got a note yesterday saying that a child in Cais' class has/had lice. Ummmm...you have no idea how grossed out that made me. I swear I itched all afternoon/evening! To make matters worse, this kid is a friend of Cais', so we have to check her for lice for the next two weeks! I know that most of you are laughing your butts off right now, but it's NOT FUNNY! I'm seriously freaked out! Poor Cais, she had to take a shower yesterday as soon as she got home from school and I made her wash her hair like 5 times. Then, I took all her clothes that she wore that day, along with her sheets and towels and I washed them in HOT water. I have no idea what I'm going to do if she gets it. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other news, school is going well for both kids. Sam is quite the popular little boy - all the girls is his class wait by the fence to tell him goodbye every afternoon. SIGH! Who would blame them? That kid is so darn cute! Cais is doing well too. Mastering subtraction has been hard, but she is doing much better. Wil misses his sissy and Sam, but really likes the time alone with Mommy. Matt and Chris got him a new bike for his birthday and he is trying hard to make his legs long enough to work it! J is really enjoying his job, although he is extremely busy. The church plant starts in two weeks and we are ready! The kids start soccer in two weeks as well. We are going to be busy!

Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement during this time. So many of you have helped in so many different ways. We are so grateful and blessed to have you all as our friends (actually, family). Our prayer is that God would use this time in our lives to help us remember those who are in the same situation. Maybe one day we'll be able to return the favor!

mondays

I always start out Monday with the best of intentions of getting things done and then something always gets in my way!
I have been trying to clean out my kid's toys for about a week now. I have an appointment with a resell shop in town TOMORROW and I want to try to sell a few of their better toys/clothing. Unfortunately, the cleaning out hasn't happened so far, and it's already 4 pm! ARGH!
I still have three loads of laundry to do, but I can't start that until 8 pm, because of our energy saver electricity thing. I have to balance the checkbook, but who wants to do that? I have work to do, but cannot find the motivation to do anything but sit on my butt staring at my computer screen!
Is it the heat? Is it my kids? No, it's just a general feeling of lethargy I've had lately. I don't want to do anything. I think it's because my body and mind are finally allowing themselves to unwind after three plus months of insanity....
So, I'm going to allow myself this one day of nothingness. Although, I've still done three loads of laundry this morning, and went to the grocery store. Tonight, while J is at Bible study, maybe I'll find the motivation to go upstairs and get to work on the toy situation...and then again, maybe I won't....SO THERE!

changes....

OK...Here I am with my new glasses. I have to wear them all the time now. The doctor says that my astigmatism is so bad that he can't believe that I'm driving or walking around without them! GULP! Not my favorite look....but I did get them with the Transitions lenses.




Also, here is a pic of Sam with his first lost tooth! He lost it last night, and it was only loose one day! Lots of changes! Fun, fun!

happy birthday wil!

Wil turned three on Friday. I can't believe it!

Saturday, we went to Desert Breeze Park for his party. Brian and Jessica w/Anthony and Justin, Nancy and Kris, and Christina were there along with my parents. They have a splash pad there and a huge playground. The big plus is that they have a train, which goes around the park. So, Wil was in heaven. He LOVES trains! However, he wanted Bob the Builder, so we did that along with a dump truck cake (pictured above). It was BY FAR the easiest cake I've ever made. If you want the recipe, let me know.

So, we are doing well. It is nice to just be relaxed about life right now. The church plant is going to get started in September and I'm going to help with the admin stuff....I know....I can already hear the laughing.....
Kids are doing fine in school. They both have made friends and are all smiles when I pick them up. No meltdowns so far! HOORAY!

funny side note

Guess what Sam's new friend's name is???? I made him prove it to me yesterday by showing me his snack list.... I don't know what this name is all about, must be a family name or something....
His name is.....HURL! Yes, that's right...a name...not a verb....
I just thought this was really funny. Only Sam....

growing up

Last night I decided to create a shirt that says "I survived the first day of school....AGAIN!" Two down and one to go! With school starting today, I can honestly say that I'm glad I only have to go through this one more time. I don't think my heart could take much more.
After crying myself to sleep last night, I awoke to a severe headache and knot in my stomach. I got up early, as I was meeting my mom for breakfast after I dropped the kids off at school. Cais woke up with a bloody nose, but a positive attitude for the day. I had to wake Sam up, but he was in a good mood as well. All in all the morning went great. The kids ate, brushed their teeth, and got their hair combed in record time. As we set off to Destiny, I tried hard to just focus on the excitement they were feeling. We got to the school and I went inside with them to drop off their 8 million school supplies. We then ventured to the playground to line up and get ready for the first day of school. As all the kids stood in line, I realized that I was one mom among many who were struggling with their "baby" heading off to kindergarten.
When the bell rang, all the kids lined up and there was A LOT of excited chatter in the lines. All except kindergarten. Those kids were all a little shell shocked, not quite believing that all this was actually happening. Sam got a little teary when I said goodbye, but he hung tough and marched with his class into their room. Cais, of course, was the center of attention...holding court with her friends like she didn't have a care in the world. I was pleased that she actually kissed me goodbye.
I spent the day with my mom and our friend Kenda, getting her classroom ready for their first day of school on Wednesday. Kenda is a music teacher at another elementary school in town. We had a lot of fun, and it helped keep my mind off of my misery.
At 3 pm, I picked up the kids, full of energy and stories of the day. One kid puked in Sam's class (chalking that one up to nerves, hopefully), another kid got his card turned in Cais' class (behavior). Their little faces were lit with excitement!
But, I have to say that this is no fun for mom. While I am SO happy that they like school, I missed them today. I guess I'll get used to it. Wil was a little lost as well. Not used to having no one but mom to entertain him!
Anyway, just some reflections on the first day of school....the next step in the long process of growing up. I told J that if I was this bad now, what was I going to be like when they left for college or....gasp...for good! WAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

anniversary/changes

Good Monday morning!

Just returned from my anniversary trip with J. We had a great time. It's amazing to me that after nine years, he can still surprise me! We dropped the kids off with my parents Sat. afternoon and went to see "Pirates of the Caribbean - 2". A great movie - almost as good as the first one, in my opinion. He then took me to The Boulders, a really beautiful resort in Scottsdale. We had so much fun. They had resturaunts on the property, so we ended up eating there and walking all around. Picked up the kids Sun. afternoon and had lunch with my parents. The best part was that he saved his money to do this, so nothing went on credit! WHEW!

It was nice to get away and relax with J. We haven't had a lot of time to do that and we probably won't get to do it anytime soon again.

For those of you who don't already know, we are closing Aion. J started his new job with Viejo Construction today. He is starting up a brand new division of their company - General Contracting. So, he will still get to do the gas stations, just under their name instead of ours. This will give us much needed stability, both emotionally and financially. We are on the verge of bankruptcy, so we are both glad that we will have some income coming in for the first time in about two months. I am in the process of looking for a part-time job...hopefully something that won't take me away from Wil too much.

So, lots of changes coming our way! Cais and Sam start school a week from today. Not quite sure if I'm ready for all this, but they are both so excited to be going back. If I do get a job, my mom will take Wil for the times I have to work. But, if that doesn't work out, there are 8 million daycare centers around! I'm feeling sad that I might have to do that, but I think Wil will be fine. He is such a happy boy and very social. He loves his "people" (that's what he calls his family), and you would be amazed at how many of you are included in that!

Have a great week!

vacation

Well, we're back! We had a great time. It was nice to see Dave, Traci and the girls as well as Betty. We stayed in an amazing resort and were pampered and spoiled to death by Betty while we were there. All in all it was a lot more fun than I expected it to be....Las Vegas is a blast!

Here are a few pics of the "experience":


The kids all together at the Bellagio.


Our resort - called the Cancun...awesome!


Caesar's Palace...the whole inside was incredible!

The resort had a HUGE pool with four waterslides, so Cais and Sam has a blast. Alice is so tall....she is almost as tall as I am! YIKES! We spent two afternoons at the Strip, walking around looking at the different hotels. We went to a buffet one night and to a shark reef at the Mandalay Bay too. There was lots to do...we almost wished for one more day just to see the rest! I was prepared to see a lot of nastiness, but I didn't really. That surprised me the most! We will definitely be going back....maybe when the kids are just a little older. An experience we won't soon forget, and a MUCH needed vacation!

viva las vegas

We're off for a four day vacation to Las Vegas! We won't have phones or computers, so I'll talk to you all next Monday!

no more diapers!

Glory hallelujah! No more diapers! Wil is finally potty trained! I have to say that I am lucky, it only took about a month with each of the kids. But, we are done and I'm so glad. Wil's made it through naps and nighttime dry for about a week now. I know that we still may have an accident here and there, but for the most part it's all over! HOORAY!

my baby

First of all, I have to say that my kids cracked me up today. While in the middle of Kohl's, my three children walk up to me decked out in movie star type sunglasses and say, "What's up Baby Girl?" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went school shopping with my kids today. Not generally my favorite thing to do, as my kids could really give two flips about what I have to get them for school. I was alright until Sam was trying on backpacks (courtesy of my mom - thanks!) and I realized that my baby really is going to kindergarten in about four weeks.

I know that Sam is not the baby of our family, but he is my baby. He has been through the most (ear tubes/breathing problems/adenoid and tonsil removal/ear tube removal/pulled tooth...etc...). I feel a certain amount of dread going into August 4th. While I'm excited that he is going to FINALLY get to go to school, I am also aware that our relationship will change. That is what is hard to deal with.
Right now, I am his favorite person to be with. Soon, friends and teachers will be the ones who get to see him more.

Sam is my one patient, tolerant and easy-going child. Cais and Wil are just like me, high strung and emotional. Sam is more like his daddy, willing to let people be who they are and hang with that. I don't want the world to change that in him. I am glad that they are going to Destiny, at least they will have somewhat of a Christian influence there.

I know that many of you are dealing with this same thing. Aiden, Tristan and Alannah will all start kindergarten as well this fall. For some of you it's the last one there, others it's the first...but I have to say that even with your middle it's hard... it's just not going to be easy to see my first-born son walk away from me and into a whole new world just waiting for him.....

4th of July

Hope you all had a great 4th!

saying goodbye

In a word, saying goodbye to those we love just sucks. Whether it's for a day, a week or for longer, I do not enjoy goodbyes. YUCK!
My brother and sister-in-law are leaving in the morning for Ft. Collins, Colorado and a fresh start. While I am so excited to see what God is going to do for them, there is just something about watching your niece and nephew cry their eyes out that makes you die a little inside.
I praise God for perspective. Just over a year ago, I was walking their road. We were leaving a good job, tons of friends, family and church who adored us and a beautiful home to come to a place where things were VERY unknown. Isn't it amazing how God brings us through things so that we can have grace for those who go through it later? I am so glad that I walked the path so that Matt and Chris knew that, while I didn't quite understand WHY they were leaving, I understood the NEED to go.
God doesn't call us to something without expecting a sacrifice. Whether that be just the obedience to go, or the sacrifice of time, money, energy or pride - nothing we do can be done without God teaching us something through it. Sometimes that totally stinks, and other times it is the best reward.
So, just know that if you are walking down a path you think no one else has traveled, look around. God may be putting someone in your path that has been down that way before you. Listen to their advice. Listen to what God has shown them. It may not be what you want to hear, but it will help with perspective. It may even give you the grace to walk through it. You never know, you just may be that person for someone else. Don't be afraid to say that you were mad at God or that you stopped talking to Him for awhile....people need to hear that. They need you to be REAL to them.
My nephew is really mad at God right now. He was yelling tonight that he didn't understand why God would do this and that God was mean and unfair. I told him that he has the right to feel that way - but to not let his heart be hardened, but to let it draw him closer to God. God understands when we are mad at Him. He just wants us to learn what He is teaching us. It's in the times that I am the maddest at God that I draw closer to Him. I am SEEKING the reason and it makes me come closer in to Him.
Anyway, I hope that all makes sense. I came right home tonight and blogged it so that I wouldn't forget what I wanted to say. I wrote this on Alyson's blog, but I think it pertains to all of us right now...."Don't be discouraged by the NOW, but be encouraged by what is to COME."
Keep us in your prayers. We are really going through the ringer right now. Business is not well and for the first time, we are seriously thinking of closing it. BUT, I am trying to be encouraged by the "what is to come." It just needs to happen soon..... Please God, we are asking for a miracle right now!

surprise

Well...my weekend was great. It was a wonderful time of getting to see all my old friends. Marlene picked me up from the airport and we were both shaking by the time we got to Alyson's to surprise Jami. She was completely surprised and just kept saying that it was unreal!
We had a great time of just being together. Todd, Shawn and Owen were so great about giving up their time to be with the kids. Todd fixed us breakfast one morning and bought us dinner the last night I was there. I felt very loved and spoiled by the time I got back on the airplane.



I realize that this may sound insane, but I do miss Utah. It's so beautiful and COOL in the summer. I really miss Lenny and working at the church. It was great to be back at church. I felt like I was just accepted right back in....Lenny even had me do announcements! HA! But, it also made me realize that my time there is done and it's time to get to work here in Arizona. So, I went to VBS last night with the kids, helped with Cais' class and had a great time.
J survived while I was away, even going to the church plant BBQ by himself! I was proud of him....that's not normally very comfortable for him....his bossy wife usually makes him go to things like that! HA! The kids had a great time with dad and even made me a music video! Fabulous!
Thanks to Marlene and Todd, Alyson and Owen and Shawn for making this all work. Happy Birthday to my beautiful friend Jami - I hope that you had a wonderful birthday weekend and that we have the chance to do that again really soon!

quote of the day

"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade...then find somebody who life has given some vodka and have a party!"

Just a good laugh for the day. Let's party!

signs of the times

I borrowed this from Matt's blog....thanks!

How have you changed from THEN (1996) to NOW (2006)?

1) How old were you?
THEN: 23
NOW: 33

2) Where did you work?
THEN: Griffin and Associates - advertising coordinator - ABQ, NM
NOW: Stay-at-home mom/office manager for Aion Construction - Gilbert, AZ

3) Where did you live?
THEN: ABQ
NOW: Gilbert, AZ

4) How was your hair style?
THEN: Short with bangs
NOW: Long with no bangs

5) Did you wear contacts?
THEN: Yes
NOW: No

6) Did you wear glasses?
THEN: No
NOW: Yes

7) Who was your best friend?
THEN: Holly Fail
NOW: J and several others

8) Which of your pets were still alive?
THEN: Winslow my cat
NOW: Morris the hamster and BlueStar the fish (my kids pets actually)

9) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
THEN: Peter Faux
NOW: My husband, J

11) Who was your celebrity crush?
THEN: Troy Aikman
NOW: Chris O'Donnell (much cuter than McDreamy on Grey's)

12) Who was your regular-person crush?
THEN: Peter
NOW: J

13) How many piercings did you have?
THEN: 4
NOW: 4

14) How many tattoos did you have?
THEN: 0
NOW: 0

15) What was your favorite band/singer?
THEN: Alanis Morisette
NOW: Too many to name...no real favorites...lots of oldies...

16) Had you smoked a cigarette?
THEN: 1996 - no
NOW: 2006 - no

17) Had you gotten drunk?
THEN: Many times
NOW: I can’t drink anymore.....SNIFF!

18) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006?:
Not at all. I thought I'd be the one taking over the Today show from Katie and settling down to a full-time job of being really famous and rich. HA HA HA HA!!! Never thought I'd be married and definitely no kids.....boy times sure do change!

house hunting

Man, looking for a house is the most exhausting experience I have ever encountered! I went out yesterday with my mom and Chris and the kids to look at the new homes in our area. Luckily for us, prices are starting to even out and become more affordable. But after looking for a couple of hours in the 108 + heat, all I wanted to do was come home and sleep!
We did find a house that we really like. I took J to look at it last night and he really liked it a lot. It's 1880 sq. ft. and has the potential for 4 bedrooms. It's a great setup. There are a few drawbacks though. The backyard is small, there would be no driveway (these homes are in a "courtyard" configuration) and the ones that are being released are backed up to the railroad tracks. So, we aren't sure what to do. I am going back today to ask a few more questions and to see if they will be releasing any other homes in another area soon. The time for new builds has gone from 18-20 mos. (last year) to 7-8 mos. So, that's perfect timing for us. Just pray that what is supposed to be will be. We are excited to find something that is actually affordable.
Anyway, that's it for the week. We are going to Big Surf waterpark with my family tomorrow. Still haven't heard much on work....lots of "possiblities" but still nothing for the right now. Thanks for all the prayers! Keep them coming!

drumroll please...

Ok....here is the picture like I promised. Yes, it's me....in a DRESS! We had a great time in ABQ. The wedding/reception were beautiful and we had a lot of fun. We were able to see people we haven't seen in a long time. It was fun and relaxing. It was great to be with Betty and gain some much needed perspective on life.
Upon returning home last night, we went to Ben and Mandy's house for dinner. Again, a fabulous time and great food! It's just really neat to meet people who share your same ideals and focus. So, thanks to Ben and Mandy! YEA! We are getting even more excited to be a part of this church plant.
OH! Big thank you to God this morning! My parents actually went to church (Ben was speaking) and my dad LOVED it! So, this might persuade them to come as well!
Prayer request this week - WORK FOR J!!! We are confident that something will come through, but we need you all to pray for the faith to really believe that! HA!
We love you guys!
Jen

i'm melting....melting...what a world..what a world...

This is my favorite part of the Wizard of Oz. That speech delivered by the Wicked Witch is hilarious!
But, I have to say that I feel that way right now. No, not just because it's 113 degrees outside (literally). But, because I feel the burdens of about ten people on me right now and it's pushing me down to the ground.
I'm tired of being sick with this stupid disease....BLECH! I'm tired of not getting to eat what I want.... I'm tired of having to constantly be on the alert for any "bad ingredients" hidden in my food. Bright side: I am meeting with a pharmacist who does the natural approach to IC. I meet with him on Wed. Just pray that he has some encouraging news for me. I'm weaning myself of the medication, just can't afford it anymore. $200 a month is just too much for one little family! So, hopefully he can give me some different options.
I'm glad that we're headed out for a fun weekend. J's good friend Andy is getting married, so we are going to that. Bought myself a fancy new dress (yes, you heard me, a DRESS) to wear and might even get some new shoes too! HA! I get to see my aunt and grandparents, so that will be great too.
I get to come home to a home cooked dinner at the home of our new pastor and his wife...does that sound weird Ben? Lots of use of the word "home" right there.... We are excited for some good fellowship and getting to know some new people even better.
So, I guess I should just say, pray for us. We are struggling with a LOT right now. No work, illness, family moving away, no house options.......a LOT!
Hope you all are having a good week. I probably won't post again until I get home.
Love Ya!

fyi

So, if your child ever decides that they're bored and draws all over your new IKEA kids table and chairs as well as the carpet and the wall, let me give you a tip....
1) Use your Magic Eraser on the table/chairs and wall...works like a dream
2) On the carpet, first vaccum the mess, then use the dry erase cleaner solution and a washcloth(dry) to blot up the stain...
Takes about an hour or so...but sure does kill those summer doldrums!
Aaaaaa....summer....
Anyone want to buy a 2 1/2 year old....he's cheap! HA!
(This is all just hypothetical of course.....)

holiday

Well, here we are at the Grand Canyon. It was fun, except that there were no guard rails and it was blowing 80 mph! But, it was great to get away. It was nice and cool and we actually had a great time together!
We stayed in a cabin Sat. night and went to the lake in Prescott on Sun. Beautiful! We went on a paddleboat - which I don't recommend if you have bad knees like me... Anyway, it was really relaxing....did I mention it was nice to get away! HA!
Hope you all are having a great extra weekend day! Happy Memorial Day!

shoulda been Chris....

enough said........bummer......i hate american idol......

dwell

"Dwell in the midst of us....wipe all the tears from our faces....dwell in the midst of us...come and dwell in this place...dwell in the midst of us....come and have your way....not our will but yours be done, come and change us....not our will but yours be done, come sustain us...."

I love this song, probably my favorite from all my years in the Vineyard. The man who wrote it, Casey Cuorum, was the guest worship leader at our church on Sunday. He really knows what worship is and how to do it. I have not been at that level of worship in quite some time. I literally wept through the entire set. It was beautiful - as if you could just reach out and touch the hand of God. It was all that I had within me not to LEAP out of my seat and dance. I felt the presence of the Lord through my entire being, as if a warm glow had settled around me. I knew God was speaking to me, telling me that we were going to be alright, that He would guide our way.

I have struggled with a lot of confusion about the issue of church. Whether or not it was really even for us. I have felt disconnected and at a loss. I have had no peace in a long time.

You see, first and foremost, I am a servant. That is my heart. That is what I do best. It is all I want to do. I am not a "shout it from the rooftops" type of person. I am not very good at getting in people's faces about Christ and demanding that they turn or die. I want to show people the way of Christ in a practical, day-by-day approach. For me, that is to serve them, or serve in the church, whatever the case may be.

Secondly, I am a friend. I think I'm a pretty good one. I have learned a lot of lessons along the way and it has all helped me to be a better friend. The friendships that I have with the people I trust most are so important to me. I care deeply, and while that has gotten me into trouble at times, and I have been taken advantage of, I do not regret the opportunity to care for people. Sometimes people get so jaded about the world around them and think that people aren't worth the bother. For me, that is sad. What better way to reach someone, then just by loving them and serving them?

I am also a worshipper, a teacher and an administrator...but those are secondary to being the servant that God has called me to be!

I want God to come and dwell in me. So that all people see is God when they look at me. I don't need to be loud, outrageous or outspoken....that is not what I am called to be. Some people are. Some people are called to be like Paul - always had something to say. That's great....but it's not me. Now, I like to have an opinion, I just don't feel the need to cut people to the bone like I used to. Maybe I've mellowed in my old age.....maybe my husband's personality is rubbing off on me - GASP!

We attended a meeting for the new church plant after the service. it was great. We can really tell that this is where we belong. I told J that for the first time, I have peace. I know church plants are hard - my dad was a church planter. I know that there will be hard times ahead - but I welcome the challenge of doing something that will REALLY make a difference. The Amadeo Church will be one of those churches, I can feel it. I'm excited and ready to work!

My sis-in-law wrote a really interesting post regarding the body of Christ. You can click on the link that says "Chris Tipton," next to this post. Read it. It will really challenge your way of thinking - I guarantee it. Everyone is called to be something - what are YOU doing about what you are called to be? And God bless you if you know that you are right where you belong. I finally can say that I do - for the first time in a year. HALLELUJAH!!

hello????????

Is anyone out there going to post again in THIS century? Geez.....
I know we're all busy, but this is getting ridiculous! I want to see a NEW post from Jason, Jenell, Alyson, Marlene and Chris this week! And that's an ORDER!!!
Now....let's see who responds......hmmmmmmmmmm........

Here's my beautiful daughter and me at the Mother/Daughter Banquet on Saturday. She danced and was so graceful! It's so amazing to see God's will in all of this. It was breathtaking to watch her....but I was sad, because I didn't get to do it to! HA!
We went to the New Friends Dinner last night at church. That was good - although I've been in the Vineyard so long I could've spoken every word Jack said - HA! But, we met some new people and we got to meet Jack. Next Sunday, we're going to a pizza lunch for the church plant. We are excited to see what God is doing there!
Just be praying that God gives us some direction!
Feeling better, sleeping better.....last treatment is Friday....HALLELUJAH!!



Here's a pic of me and my mom as well. It was fun to spend Mother's Day with her...the first in a long time! Enjoy!

Happy Mother's Day!

Have a great day everyone! Enjoy the one day you get to be the center of attention!

two of a kind

Weird....none of my kids LOOK like me.....but Cais cannot deny my FEET! HA! This picture is from our day together. Cais picked the color of our nails and the flower as well....FUN!

god is good...all the time

I need that to be my mantra, especially during times like these. It's so easy to fall into the "woe is me" type attitude. It's during the times that are the hardest that we need to remember that God is good and He is in control.

J and I had a night out last night for the first time in forever. We went to a housing seminar to qualify for this super new loan (Acorn Housing). It was interesting, but there were like 60 people packed into a room the size of the kitchen at MVCF! Tight and HOT!!! But, we are looking forward to the process and hopefully this will give us "reality" in finding a house. We were able to talk and have dinner afterwards. It was great. It's been hard to find those times together lately. So, it was a good time of communication and bonding.

Just be praying that J gets a contract soon. He has so many irons in the fire, but nothing for the right NOW. Scary. But, he is hopeful, so I CHOOSE to be too.

Anyway, I've been through the ringer this week. Cais had her first ear infection and I'm taking Sam in this afternoon because we think he has one too. AND all three have had pink eye at various points this week as well. ARGH!!!!!! I think I need to go back and get my medical degree, so that I'm not spending a gazillion dollars on dr's. appointments.

Looking forward to the weekend. Going to have a "mother/daughter" day with Cais tomorrow. We're going to get pedicures! HOORAY! She's really excited. Soccer games, shopping and movie night with the kids are in order for us this weekend. Hope you all are going to have a great weekend as well. Remember.....God is good...ALL THE TIME!!!!!

stressed

This is going to be quick.... We are needing some MAJOR prayer from all of you right now. We are really struggling with some financial issues and need some realistic answers. I'm not going into more detail, but if you think of us, please be praying for us personally and for the company.

Love Ya,
Jen

my birthday angel

Cais is seven today! I can't believe that seven years ago I was in the hospital pushing my brains out to bring her into the world. I was telling her the "birth story" this morning on the way to school and I burst into tears.....and then she did! HA! Like mother, like daughter!
She has had a great day....cupcakes at school, dinner with family tonight and a party with friends on Sunday. She's getting a Beta fish from us and new bedroom stuff. We're going to have a mother/daughter day next weekend. I'm really looking forward to it.
She is so beautiful and getting to be really independent. It breaks my heart, but I'm also excited to see what God has in store for her in the future.
I can only hope that we have the same incredible relationship that I have with my mom. It is my greatest hope!
So, happy birthday my sweet angel girl! May all your dreams come true and may God truly bless year number 7 for you!

feelings

Isn't it interesting how different things affect your feelings? I am not one to get my feelings hurt very easily, so things that would roll off my back really hurt other's feelings.
I was faced with a situation last week where something I wrote here hurt someone else's feelings. While I didn't look at it as hurtful, the other person really was upset. So, I removed the post. Honestly, I didn't want to - they are MY feelings/opinions/observations of life. But, I found that I also didn't want this person to have hurt feelings over what I said.
Unfortunately, I find that I'm irritated and feeling like MY privacy has been invaded. I want to be able to say what I want to say without feeling questioned at every turn. This is why I started blogging. It was more to have contact with my friends than anything else. When you only talk once a week/month on the phone, it is hard to remember everything you want to say. So, this is great, because I can sit down, type it out and no worries! Or so I thought......
So, I'm rethinking this blog thing. Maybe I'll post again and maybe not. If there is something important I need to say - check your email!

my easter bunnies

Aren't they cute? This was the BEST picture! I just had to share it will all of you!

in the air

WOW - what a week! I'm sorry if i've been a little incognito with everyone, but it's been crazy! I can't believe it's Monday again already....wasn't that yesterday? Here's my week:

I don't think I've had the stomach flu since I was pregnant with Wil. And believe me, after this week's bout with it - I never want it again! UGH! First Wil, then J and then me. I'm just really hoping that Cais and Sam don't end up getting it. My dad came down with it this morning....so my name is mud over there - HA!

My treatments are going OK. Found out my insurance will not cover this (big shocking surprise!) so they are going to let me self pay for $75 a shot. Which means about $600 by the time it's all said and done. GULP! But, I'm almost done with the first three weeks....and I have to say that I feel so much better! SO, it's worth it - in the long run.

Easter was great. Went to church and met the wife of the associate pastor. She introduced us to a bunch of people, one being the youth pastor. He is actually going to plant a church out of the Gilbert Vineyard, called Amadeo Church. I believe the web address is www.amadeochurch.com. If it doesn't come up, let me know and I'll try to figure it out. He was super nice. We are actually very interested in this, so we'll see where it takes us. We always were drawn to those youth pastor types! HA! They won't break away until next year, but are beginning to meet in May for meetings and information. So, I have no idea why, but J and I feel very excited about this prospect. I was VERY homesick in church because they sang "Amazing Love" and that's my favorite song to dance to. But, I did take Cais to girl's dance and it looks like a good thing. So, hopefully we'll be able to start plugging in and getting to know people. I'm feeling antsy to "get to work." I know.....it's a sickness!

Anyway, this week should calm down some. Soccer is the name of the game now, so we are gone three nights and half of Saturday doing that. I don't know what we're going to do when Wil starts in the fall! CALGON - TAKE ME AWAY!!

I'm trying to stay on top of everyone's blogs. Jason's latest post (well, the link) had smoke coming out of my ears! You should read what he wrote in reaction. Very thoughtful. I read it to J and he said it sounded like scripture! HA!

We just continue to be amazed at God's timing and provision. J gets calls daily to look at new work. We could still use the prayers though - no contracts yet! But, I just cannot believe how blessed we are to be able to do what we're doing. It's a dream come true.

copycat

Hi there! I'm back from my quick trip to ABQ. I saw this on Jason's blog and thought it was cool. Very interesting......
I'll blog more about the trip later. I'm going to bed!

sad

Hi everyone!

Just wanted to let you know that J's great-grandma "Maama" passed away yesterday. She was 93. We are going to Albuquerque today to attend the funeral on Monday. Please pray for safe travel and peace for J. He was very close to her growing up. He has lost 3 very special grandparents over the last 18 mos. I only met her two times. Once at my wedding and once when Cais was 14 mos. old. Cais took her first walking steps to her.

In loving memory of Sophia Johnson.

I'll catch up when I get back.

my girls

"Is it possible to have 'mother love' for kids that aren't yours?" a friend asked me recently. I had to say a resounding "YES!"

Sometimes (just for shock value) I tell people that we have six kids. Our oldest is 22 and our youngest is 2. HA! People stare incredulously at me until I explain that my oldest three aren't mine.

But, I have to say that I do believe that they are. Even though I did not bear them physically, I love them like I do my own. Jill, Toe and Trever will forever remain in my heart. I will never give up on them. I will always love them and care about their lives - what they are doing and where they are headed. Even though we do not live together, I still wish that I could see them every day. Even if just to give them a hug and let them know that I love them.

I recently "found" Jill and Toe through MySpace. Christie Weehunt (another one that I love dearly) let me know that I could find them there. So, we have reconnected and I am so happy. I love the fact that they aren't afraid to tell me the truth. They know I love them enough to look past it. They are "my girls." I have always called them that and I love the little smile that they get on their faces when I do.
Dana - are you on MySpace?

Anyway, just feeling a little nostalgic tonight. J is doing the paper route this week, so I am up alone while he is trying to get a couple extra hours of sleep in. He is so great to help this lady out. I guess it helps us out too. Three birthdays in one month is hard to pay for! Plus with my meds and treatment, who knows what that will cost us! So, even though it's a pain in the butt, I know it's God providing during this time. My father-in-law hired me to do a brochure for his new company too. Just pray that I don't strangle him before it's all over - HA!

Pray for creativity for me because these meds are messing with my brain. I may have to reduce the antidepressent in half. I'm going to talk to the doctor tomorrow. Still hating this stupid diet too. Maybe that's why I'm so grumpy.....no chocolate for a week will do that to you! ARGH! I'm hanging in there though - just trying to figure out what the heck I can eat! Surprisingly, dinners are the easiest! I bought this herbal sweetener called "Stevia" today. It can be put into water to flavor it. It's not bad and since I HATE drinking water, it does help and was worth the $15 I had to pay for it! I also bought Almond Butter since I can't have Peanut Butter. Not bad either - I actually may like it more! So, progress is being made!

out of it

I am feeling really tired. This medicine they have me on is doing screwy things with my emotions and sleep. This was going to be an update post, but I don't know if I can stay awake to finish it!

HEALTH

Well, I have to say that I am feeling so much better! The diet sucks, and the meds are making me really out of it. But I only went to the bathroom 7 times yesterday, vs. the 20 times from last week! So, YEA!!! I am really snapping at my family (more than usual - HA!) and I just feel like a space cadet! So, pray that my body comes into alignment with all the changes.

HOME

No news here. We have looked outside of Chandler/Gilbert, but still are having a hard time fitting it into our budget. So, I think we are going to passively look around and wait until August. Hopefully, J's work situation will improve and we'll be able to afford something closer in.

HAPPINESS

I am happy. I am tired and feeling weird, but happy. There are situations you just can't change, no matter how much you want them to be different! So, I'm embracing happiness and going from there!

Side Note: They are having a girl's worship dance class at the church to put a dance together for Mother's Day. I signed Cais up and I'm going to go with her and see if they need any help. I'm excited about this opportunity for Cais and I hope this is leading her in the right direction.

That's it for today! I'm headed off for a little nap before I pick up Cais! Love you all!

well...I have it!

I went to the doctor today for my followup appointment. They confirmed that I do have interstital cystitis. It's going to involve a lot. Medication (which is through the roof expensive - to the tune of $200 a MONTH!), diet change (no more chocolate and soda kids!) and a twice a week appointment at the doctor's for the next six weeks. UGH!
So, I am relieved that I'm not insane...but, I'm really worried about affording the medication. I don't know how long I'm required to take it. Just pray that we're able to figure all this out. It's going to drastically change our lives. Probably for the good and definitely healthier!
Thanks for all your good wishes and prayers! I feel quite protected and loved when I have you guys around!
Love Ya,
Jen

happy birthday to us

This was a picture taken at Castles N' Coasters. We went there on Sunday and had a great time. I was so proud of Sam - he rode EVERY ride - even the roller coaster with two loops and a corkscrew! I actually enjoyed sharing my birthday with my son this year. He is getting so big - I cannot believe he is 5! We had his birthday party last night and got his hamster (Morris) yesterday morning. We both had pretty great birthdays seperately, but the one we shared together on Sunday is a memory I'll always cherish!

perspective

Isn't it amazing what the Lord can do in just one short day? Yesterday at this time, I was curled up in a ball, sobbing my eyes out. Today, I have had a pretty good day. I did a garage sale with my mom, made a little $$$, went my niece's birthday (got a sunburn - in MARCH), went shopping with my birthday $$$ and had a really nice evening with my family.
Perspective is an interesting tool that God uses to slap me upside the head. I am not dying, my life is not over, I am not out on the street. I have wonderful friends who love me and support me at every turn. I have a fabulous husband who loves me and loves me enough to know when to stay away and when to be at my side. I have three healthy, beautiful children who love me so much that they want to "kick that lady in the butt...", even though all I did was yell at them all day. I have the best family EVER - encouraging, supportive, protective - eveything you could hope for. We have a nice house with a great deal on the rent. We are not destitute, we are not poor, we are not losing anything.
This was really no one's fault. Frustrating, but true. The lady who messed up the information, didn't do it on purpose. She had no malicious intent. She made a mistake.....can I say that I haven't?
So, life goes on. We are going to continue to rent our house, pray that housing prices start dropping and cling tight to the perspective that God has showed me today. Thank you all for your kind words and phone calls during this time. It meant more to me than you'll ever know.

the door is shut

Our financing fell through due to misrepresentation on the part of the lender....I am devastated....If there is one thing I hate more than anything else it's being lied to....The woman who handled our loan totally misled us....please don't call right now....I'm WAY too emotional to talk about it.....thanks for your prayers, I could really use them right now, however I really do not wish to ever talk about this again....thanks.....we are not going to be able to buy a home at this time....

update

Well, I went to the doctor today. I found out that I might have a condition called "interstitial cystitis." This is when certain foods eat away the lining of the bladder causing pits to form. Over time, this causes the person to have to go to the bathroom between 10-20 times a day and over 4 times at night. I have been dealing with this for about two years now and I am DONE!
So, I go in for more tests next Friday. Hopefully, this is what it is and I can get treatment. Otherwise, I'll have to have more tests to find out what it is.
Unfortunately, if I do have it, I will no longer be able to have any food that I like anymore. You can't have soda, chocolate, most sugars, spicy foods or fruit. So, YEA! But, I guess it's worth it, just to feel better!
Thanks for your prayers - all went well!

truth

Telling the truth is hard isn't it? Sometimes it is just a matter of giving someone an answer to a question, but sometimes it can go much deeper. It can go into matters of the heart, how you're feeling, or just being realistic. I tend to tie the word truth in with the words honest and realistic. Everyone has their "truth" and sometimes that differs with someone else's "truth", even in the same situation. I am facing three areas in my life that are requiring some form of truth right now. Just trying to get my thoughts in order, so bear with me.......

HEALTH
I am going to the doctor on Wednesday. I have really been struggling with some health issues lately, and it's causing me a lot of pain/discomfort. So, I have made an appointment and I hope to have some answers by the end of it all. I really do not like to go to the doctor, as you all know. But, to tell the truth, I am so miserable I guess desperation has set in. I don't really want to go into it here, as it's personal. If you have a great need to know, just give me a call or email me. To be honest, I am terrified of the answer I may get. I know realistically that it's probably an easy fix, but I'm a glass half empty type of gal..... I am also having heart palpatations again and my migraines are getting worse. I don't know what to do, but I'm just going to lay it all out there for the doctor and see what happens.

HOME
We are still looking at houses. We put an offer in on two this weekend. The first was already sold, and the second we are countering back and forth. I have to say that this is quite stressful for me, and I almost hope the deal just falls through so that I don't have to worry about it any more. I have a crazy week in store for me, with three birthdays and a weekend of parties. So, I really don't need any more stress! I just really want to be in my own home, to settle in and not worry about this kids eating in the living room! To be able to paint and decorate and not live in a sterile white house! YUCK!

HAPPINESS
This is the hardest truth for me to deal with right now. Why does being happy take so much effort? I really thought that once I moved to Phoenix and settled in, I would be happy. But now, Matt and Chris are moving, my parents are discouraged and depressed about church and life in general, and its been a real struggle trying to fit in at church. Don't get me wrong, I'm still happy to be here, but these things are just wearing me down. I know that happiness is a choice, and I have really been trying to just be happy with what I have. But, I have to say that it's getting harder to paste a smile on my face! There are other things in my life that are challenging my happpiness right now, but I'm not at liberty to share.

The truth? Life is tough right now, now just for me, but for everyone. So, don't freak out and think I'm going to jump off the nearest building (Jenell). I just needed to vent a little and to let you all know what's really going on. That's the whole point of this blogging thing....right???????

me and my shadow

Just another fun pic we took the other night. Cais and I have been working hard on our time alone together. Although we don't get it very often, when we are able to get away, just the two of us, we sure have a good time. I am looking forward to having a really special day, just her and I, for her birthday next month. I'm already starting to make plans! I vowed to do this every year when she turned three and then life happened. So, I'm making a new vow to do this with her every year starting this year. She's going to be seven and that is just unreal for me. Enjoy the picture!

wil's new "do"

Wil got his first haircut on Monday. He was a nightmare - screamed the entire time, but the end result sure was cute! He looks so much older - but that hair of his is still blonde! Enjoy!

weekend reflections

Well...it's raining! And raining and raining and raining! It started at around 2-3 am and hasn't stopped! I think it's trying to make up for the 142 days of no rain... But, it's great. I was beginning to worry that the weather was just a little too perfect here! HA!

We were supposed to start stretching ourselves by going to a breakfast this morning at our new church (Gilbert Vineyard) and J woke up this morning with PINK EYE! ARGH! So, we had to nix those plans and are just sitting at home listening to the rain and actually enjoying the peace of the day.

My parents and brother's family are out of town this weekend, so we are having some nice one-on-one time with my grandma who is here visiting from Denver. She is so much fun to be with. She is 87 years old and still walks about a mile a day! I can only hope to be this spry in my old age!

Have you ever heard the song "100 years"? There is a line in there that says, "I'm 33 for a moment.....33 and you're on your way..." It's really not my favorite song, but I really like the whole point of the song that time is really short and we should live life because we only have a hundred years to live. I'm turning 33 in a week or so and I can't believe it's gone so quickly. I feel like I'm on the verge of really becoming who God made me to be and I do feel like I'm "on my way" at 33.

House hunting is proceeding. We looked at six houses this week and are going to look at three more this weekend. We're hoping that we can find something with four bedrooms, but the prices here are unbelievable! I looked at a 1400 sq. ft. home that they wanted $265 for! ARGH!

Anyway, looking forward to a nice, peaceful day. Hoping the same for all of you! These are all the "deep thoughts" I could come up with today. As you can see, I am having a very shallow day - HA! Love you all!

and the winner is.....

HA! I'm good....yea..yea..I'm good! I got four out of the five I predicted right! Not too shabby for just some random person! HA!
Man, if only I could get paid to do this stuff.......Hmmmmm......
Lots of love for Reese's speech. Very kind and classy. If only Joaquin had won....SNIFF! Oh well...at least Crash won for best movie! Hooray!

oscar picks

Again, just for fun...one of my favorite things to do...I used to have Oscar parties!

Best Picture - Crash
Best Actor - Joaquin Phoenix
Best Actress - Reece Witherspoon
Best Sup. Actor - George Clooney
Best Sup. Actress - Rachel Weise

I know that Brokeback Mountain is going to win in a lot of these categories, but I can dream if I want! HA! If you haven't seen "Walk the Line," you need to. It is a totally ridiculous shame that this movie wasn't nominated for Best Picture...smacks of fixing the winner....if you ask me!

american idol

This is just for fun....

Here are my picks for the top 12 on American Idol:

Guys
Ace
Chris (my personal favorite)
Gedeon
Elliott
Taylor
Bucky

Girls
Lisa
Paris
Katherine
Kellie
Mandisa
Melissa

Next week: Will and Kevin will go for the boys and Kinnick and Ayla will go for the girls.

Chris is my favorite! It's so great to see somebody with the talent and relevancy for today's market. AND he sang Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" the first week....SIGH! He sang Fuel this week and was just amazing. Way to go! Not bad for a married guy with kids! HA!

home sweet home???

Isn't it weird how God works sometimes? Here I am, finally feeling a bit of security in the knowledge that we have a house to rent for a few months before we have to make any big decisions regarding buying and I get a phone call on Tuesday that just threw me for a loop.
Our landlord (ReMax) called to inform us that the lady that owns this house is going to sell it (and all her other investment properties in AZ) and would like to give us first option. WHAT?!?!?!?! So, I call her back and find out that she is going to ask $305K for the house.....Yea, right! HA! I told her that we wouldn't be interested, but what would that do to our lease? She said that our lease would remain intact, and because it's a legally binding agreement, they will only sell to investors looking for rental property. This way we will still have our lease, just with a different investor.
Welll, I have to say that this makes me feel a bid unsettled. I'm not sure that I want to have to deal with someone new at the end of my lease trying to explain all the things that we went over with our current landlord at the beginning.
Here's the interesting part...I have found a house that I really like. It is in a older, established neighborhood and has been completely remodeled. They are asking $245K, but we think we might be able to get it for around $235K. I had found this home a while ago and just wishfully thinking said, "God, wouldn't it be great it they would let us our of our lease to buy this house?" ( I need to stop doing that, it always gets me into trouble!)
So, I talked to the landlord about it. She said that they would rather us move out, because it enables them to be able to sell it to anyone, not just investors. So, they will let us out of our lease with a 30 day notice.
Needless to say, I am more than a little freaked. The thought of packing up and moving again in a month's time is not appealing. However, the alternative is having to keep my house really picked up and clean to show to realtors (for which we will receive $100 of our rent each month until it sells). Not appealing either, as I have just begun to recover from three years of doing that! ARGH!
So, I guess I'm asking for prayer. We would actually like to buy this other house, but we are afraid we won't qualify because we haven't been in business long enough. Any thoughts, ideas, opinions or advice would be GREATLY appreciated! Anyway, that's my drama for the week - HA!

growing up

I hope my children
look back on today,
And see a mom who
had time to play.
There will be years
for cleaning and cooking,
For children grow up
while we're not looking.

I'm starting to feel like time is quickly passing me by. My kids are getting older and I know I am entering a new season of my life. While I am excited about this, I still miss the smell of a newborn, the fact that they take naps and don't whine, they don't talk back, and they are totally in love with you all the time.

Cais is getting so big. Last night she cuddled with me on the couch for an hour! I was so shocked! This is the child who NEVER wanted to be held or touched for very long. She is one of those kids who is in for the quick hug and then is off again. I just look at her and see so much of J and I in her. She looks like both of us, and has parts of both our personalities. She has lost three teeth in the last two weeks and is beginning to look like she did at a year old! HA! (See photo.)
Sam on the other hand used to be my cuddler. Now he only wants mommy, not daddy to kiss and hug him. He only wants mommy to call him "honey." Cause these are "girl" things to do and say. J is crushed. I just registered Sam for an eight week kindergarten preparation class and I also registered him this afternoon for kindergarten at Destiny. SNIFF! While he still looks like J, he defintely has a lot of my expressions and coloring. And I can imagine that he is a lot like J at this age. He is mellow and laid back. Not like the other two....unfortunately they take after their very high strung mommy...especially Wil.
If I had known that naming my son Wil would make him willful, I think I would've found a different name! This child is exactly like me at this age, according to my mom, in looks and personality. But where did all that blond hair come from? A mystery to be sure! This little guy is such a light in our household. His little voice and laugh are something you just don't want to miss! He is hilariously funny, mimics everything you say and really appreciates the finer points of talking back to mommy and daddy......willful....that's my baby!
Anyway, I'm feeling a little melancholy today so this is why this is a little sentimental. Hope you all are doing well and continuing to "grow" where you are planted!

old friends

We have recently been visited by two of my dearest friends as well as a couple that we were in home group with back in Heber. It is still so amazing to me the friendships we made in Utah. I feel so blessed with the knowledge that there are so many people all around the U.S. that love us and consider us their friends. Do you have any idea what a gift from God that is? There are many people who cannot even count on one hand their friends, and yet here we are counting on our fingers AND toes!

God is good - ALL THE TIME. Even when we don't feel a part of things, even when we are crying out for something new, even when we are so lonely our heart aches, God is good and He is with us. Believe me, I have felt all of these things....still do a lot of the time. But, God is here and He has provided so much for me and J and our family. We have been able to make friends with two couples, just by being in the right place at the right time. Coincidence? I think not!

After reading everyone's blogs of late, I know that this is a common theme that is running between us. I just want to encourage all of you to reach out and trust the process that God is leading you through. I KNOW it's hard and I KNOW that it may not be where you want to be. But, God is always reaching out to you, waiting for you to trust Him enough to know that HE knows what is best for you. Trust enough to understand that even if it's not the answer you want, know that it's God's best for you. I have begun to pray "Your will Lord, not mine..." Difficult for me, as I am such a control freak it's scary! But, I have found that the times in my life that I feel the most fulfilled and happy are the times I have let go of what I wanted and let God do His thing.

I am praying this for each and every person who reads this blog, old friend or new. May we all have the faith to stand and grow where we are. We have a lot to offer this world - never forget that!

in a nutshell

Just a brief post to tell you about the events of the last few days:
Sunday we went to "the gathering," an alternative evening service at the Word of Grace church in Mesa. We had a really terrific time and felt quite comfortable. I don't know if that will be where we attend regularly, but it was great just gettting back into church and being able to worship. They have about 45 min. of worship - which is SO great.
I feel somewhat compelled to give the Gilbert Vineyard another chance. We let others feelings and opinions affect our opinion of this church, and I don't know if we really gave it a fair chance. I have met (through Jason's blog) a couple who attend this church. We are meeting at some point for coffee and a movie and I hope to be able to talk with them about what happened and get their point of view on the subject. I don't know, but I feel as if this meeting is God ordained so that we can get perspective and clarity.
But, in any event, we need to find a church soon! Our kids can't be shuffled from one church to another much longer. It isn't fair to them.



Valentine's Day was great. J was his typical wonderful self and bought me a dozen roses and some really cool candlesticks. We got take out from Applebee's (not recommended unless you like cold, badly presented food) and the kids actually stayed upstairs for 45 min. while we ate and talked. It was great!
I find that I don't give my husband enough credit sometimes. He loves me so much and always goes above and beyond to make sure that I am happy and taken care of. I feel almost apologetic at times to friends whose husbands don't do as much. But, no more! J is so thoughful and I want everyone to know that! I feel very blessed and honored to be the one for him!

And in other news of the day.....my kids are sick again...doctor's appt. at 10:30....not feeling so great myself....probably all the crap I ate last night....still continuing to lose weight....154.5 at yesterday's weigh-in.....

So that's it...in a nutshell! Have a blessed day!