starting over

Have you ever watched the show "Starting Over?" It's a daytime reality TV show about six women who live in a house together and get life coach counseling and real counseling while they are there. They are learning how to live life "authentically" - which means that they have to get over all their misconceptions about themselves, how the world views them, and how they view the world. It's a very interesting show. I don't like parts of it, but you really get to like the women and root for them to be able to "graduate" when the time comes.

I realized today that I am in the process myself of starting over. I have moved to a new city, had to make new friends, find a new church, and try to figure out how to live around my family without interferring even when I REALLY want to! HA! I have had to face some misconceptions about myself and how I view others. It is a different world here in Arizona. Much different than Utah. I have just begun to realize how much more "open" I feel here.......

This past weekend we began the process of finding some friends. It's not been big on my "things I MUST do" list, but this friendship really just came out of the blue. I met Jessica at Cais' school. Her son, Anthoni is head over heels for Cais. It's pretty cute. She really likes him too. Needless to say they totally hit it off and got into LOTS of trouble in class (they eventually had to be seperated!). Anyway, I met Jessica at the Halloween part and we had so much in common (besides the fact that we thought our kids were totally cute!). She was born and raised in Utah (not LDS) and moved here about 11 years ago. Our kids are the same age (her other son is Sam's age). So, we've had a few playdates and then we decided to get our families together. We did that this weekend. We went over to Jessica and Brian's house on Friday. It was really fun, but it was weird. I kept expecting people I knew to come into the room - like I was in home group or something! HA! J and Brian hit it off too, so I guess we have officially made some new friends! It made me happy, but a bit melancholy. I guess we need to do this, but I just don't know if we will ever have the friendships like we did in Utah. They invited us to try their church, so I think we might do that next weekend. It is an alternative service on Sunday evening. I'm excited to try it out.

So, I'm starting over. It means that things will change, but I will never forget how I got here and the support of all of you that have helped me to do it. I'm so glad that we have all stayed in contact with each other over these last nine months. I'm so excited to see Alyson and Jenell, but I EXPECT a visit from Marlene and Jami SOON!

weigh-in

Well...I lost 4 lbs. this week! HOORAY! I really like this program. It's really good food, even J likes everything that I've fixed so far. I feel better, I have more energy (I've even been to the park with my kids twice this week!) and I don't feel deprived at all. My biggest challenge is going to be learning how to eat when I'm out in the "real world". I went to Rubio's with my mom today for lunch and got a low carb chicken salad with no dressing (fat-free on the side). It was delicious and I felt good about what I was eating.
Anyway, just wanted to post my progress. My goal for next week is to lose two lbs. Keep your fingers crossed!

new attitude

Well....I must admit....it's hard for me to write this, but I'm getting fat again. I don't know if it is the move, the holidays, or my general non-caring attitude, but I have gained about 12 pounds since I moved here. I am now weighing in at 160 lbs. That is just not acceptable.
So, I have (finally) decided to do something about it. I have joined the "Biggest Loser" club and am hoping that this will help me get motivated to lose the weight. IT is a really great site - they set up your diet and fitness program. It costs about $20.00 a month. So, I'm going to try it for two months and see. I have to weigh in every week, so I'll be posting that here as well. Hopefully, having everyone see my weight loss or gain will keep me motivated. I know that when I did Weight Watchers with Alyson, we were so motivated because we wanted to be skinny together(and because we had to weigh-in in front of each other - HA!)
Anyway, just wanted to be honest. This is going to be hard, but I'm going to put on a "new attitude" and try my hardest to lose the weight.

dance

I danced today. It was the first time since I've lived here that I really felt led to do so. I didn't want to - in fact I argued with God for awhile. But, He said "take off your shoes and DO IT!" So, I did.
It was amazing. I felt years slide off of me as I lifted my hands and began to worship. REALLY worship. It was in my brother's living room, and it was great. We have been meeting together for about a month. We all have nowhere to go except where we are now.
J and I have really been feeling frustrated about the whole situation with church. But, today it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I was really able to enter in and hold the Father's hand and dance for Him.
We are really struggling. I feel so guilty about my kids not being in a church. Isn't that weird? I don't really care about church for myself, but I feel like my kids need to be plugged in somewhere. I actually enjoy just meeting with my family, but I know that J is getting antsy. We've all talked about a home church, but no one really wants to do that. We all want to be a part of the Vineyard, but don't know where to go. Chris wants to move to Fort Collins tomorrow if she could, so she really doesn't feel like they should be getting involved with something they may leave in a year (this is in regard to the home church). I totally understand that and appreciate the honesty. I just feel like something should be happening, but everyone is waiting .........for something...... Not that we should start a church, that freaks even me out. But, I just want to do what God has intended for me to do. And I don't really know what that is here and how to go about doing it. And so I am frustrated.....
But, I had such a wonderful time this morning dancing that I didn't care for awhile. Wil and Sam came in to dance with me and that was great. J gave me a big smile later and told me that it was nice to see me dancing again.
So, while I don't know what's in store for me here....I'm going to do what I feel God has shown me to do. Just keep dancing and holding tight to HIM.

when i am old i shall wear purple....

Jenell's post has started me thinking about getting old. I have felt really old lately. Just ugly and tired and blah!
But, I don't want to be sad or in pain or grumpy. I think that this is what I'll look like when I'm old. This picture is of my grandparents. My Grandma Stump (mom's mom) is one of the most cheerful people I've ever met. She is in pain a lot (she has osteoporosis (SP?)) but always has a smile on her face. Even when she cries, she smiles. I think she is so beautiful and if I have to get old, I'm glad that I have some of her genetics in me!
This picture is heinous of me, but I wanted you all to see my "pinchable" grandparents!

my chickadees

Just thought I'd post a couple of pics of my cuties! Now that I have cable internet, my whole world has changed! HA!
Enjoy!
Jen

country boys

I have been watching the best documentary the last two nights! "Country Boys" is a film about two boys who live in Kentucky and go to an alternative school. It is such an interesting movie, J and I have stayed up an hour after we go to bed just to watch it! If you get a chance, check it out. The last night is tonight. Just hits me where I live...I guess. It really reminded me how much I love kids and want to work with them in some capacity.
Anyway, if it comes on PBS again, you should check the whole series out. I believe it is three nights long.

football, narnia and a new job (Jen on her soap box)

Thought I'd combine three posts into one to cut down on reading time for everyone.

As you all know, my passion for football runs deep. I am in the minority of women who enjoy this sport, but I grew up with a crazed Denver fan for a dad and a brother...go figure. I generally only have time to watch the teams I enjoy (Broncos/Cowboys), but yesterday I decided to watch the Bengals/Steelers game. As I settled down with my heating pad(horrible back strain)..to enjoy the game, I was horrified to see what happened within the first two plays. One defender deliberately knocked down the quarterback for the Bengals in the knees and down he went, never to return to the game. Six plays later, the Steelers injured another wide reciever for the Bengals who also did not return. Needless to say, the Bengals lost. Normally, I couldn't care less, but I was angered by the fact that the Steelers took out the two best players to win. It was the one of the most HEINOUS things I have ever seen. No penalties, no personal fouls, no lost yardage....in fact a personal foul was called on one of the Bengals! I couldn't believe it! That player from the Steelers should've been removed from the game!! ARGH! I had to change the channel because I was yelling at the TV and J was trying to take a nap, consequently wasn't too excited with my yelling! HA!

I got to go on a date with J this weekend to see "Narnia". Matt and Chris took the kids ALL NIGHT! HALLELUJAH! We had a great time. Really enjoyed the movie although I think I let everyone build it up so much for me that I was a little disappointed. But, it was still meaningful and very much like the book. I found myself remembering the book as I was watching the movie. Lucy reminded me of a dark haired Eleora and I found myself missing her sweet little face. It's just a shame that this movie is overshadowed by movies like "Brokeback Mountain." Saw the previews for that and got the willies. Normally, gay themed things don't even phase me, but for some reason this one gave me the creeps. Go figure.

I got a design job! J's dad is starting two new businesses and hired me to design two logos and business cards. So, that's pretty cool. I finished the logo design and am on to the bc's. Shouldn't be too hard. But, it's nice to be paid for what you do. I'm still considering going back to school to study graphic design, but think I'll have to wait until Sam is in school. I really enjoy it, just wish I knew everything about Photoshop so that I'm not constantly having to refer to the book. That stuff comes really easy to me, so it makes it fun.

Anyway, just had to rant for a few minutes. I'm feeling very tired and my back is killing me, so I'll log off. If you want to read a really great blog debate, check out Jason Coker's blog. Really cool discussion!

Adios,
Jen

er

Last night I watched a very thought provoking episode of "ER". For those of you who don't watch it, bear with me. This episode centered around a young girl, who at 15 found herself pregnant. As you find out close to the end, she was raped at a party. Her parents are very religious and want her to have the baby, obviously. However, the doctors try to talk her into an abortion, obviously. In the end, Luca puts some kind of new thing called a "lucerna?SP?" inside her to help cause a miscarriage - without her parents knowledge. She asked for the procedure.
What do you think? It was a very difficult show for me to watch. I feel so strongly about this issue, however it gave me pause. What if it was Cais? What if this happened to her? It's different than just being irresponsible, she was raped. I don't know. I don't think I would tell her to have an abortion, but I don't know if I would MAKE her have it either. J and I decided that if this were to ever happen, God forbid, we would let her make whatever decision she needed to make and support her in it.
What would YOU do? Just curious.....like I said, it was very thought provoking.

insanity

Sometimes I think I'm insane. Now I know that some of you THINK you already know that, but I'm serious!
So I started on Monday morning and a small part of me was bummed....INSANITY!!! I was thinking about how much I love my chickadees and how flippin cute they are and I thought "well....maybe it wouldn't be too bad..." INSANITY!!
Anyway, thanks Jenell for offering to take the new one.....I got a few chuckles when I read that. I'm already afraid you're going to steal Sam when you come! HA!
So, I'm not pregnant, nor do I want to be. But, if it were ever to happen, I guess I'd be OK with that too......INSANITY!!!!

update

Well, the test came out negative but still no nothing! ARGH! I'll keep you posted!