changes....

OK...Here I am with my new glasses. I have to wear them all the time now. The doctor says that my astigmatism is so bad that he can't believe that I'm driving or walking around without them! GULP! Not my favorite look....but I did get them with the Transitions lenses.




Also, here is a pic of Sam with his first lost tooth! He lost it last night, and it was only loose one day! Lots of changes! Fun, fun!

happy birthday wil!

Wil turned three on Friday. I can't believe it!

Saturday, we went to Desert Breeze Park for his party. Brian and Jessica w/Anthony and Justin, Nancy and Kris, and Christina were there along with my parents. They have a splash pad there and a huge playground. The big plus is that they have a train, which goes around the park. So, Wil was in heaven. He LOVES trains! However, he wanted Bob the Builder, so we did that along with a dump truck cake (pictured above). It was BY FAR the easiest cake I've ever made. If you want the recipe, let me know.

So, we are doing well. It is nice to just be relaxed about life right now. The church plant is going to get started in September and I'm going to help with the admin stuff....I know....I can already hear the laughing.....
Kids are doing fine in school. They both have made friends and are all smiles when I pick them up. No meltdowns so far! HOORAY!

funny side note

Guess what Sam's new friend's name is???? I made him prove it to me yesterday by showing me his snack list.... I don't know what this name is all about, must be a family name or something....
His name is.....HURL! Yes, that's right...a name...not a verb....
I just thought this was really funny. Only Sam....

growing up

Last night I decided to create a shirt that says "I survived the first day of school....AGAIN!" Two down and one to go! With school starting today, I can honestly say that I'm glad I only have to go through this one more time. I don't think my heart could take much more.
After crying myself to sleep last night, I awoke to a severe headache and knot in my stomach. I got up early, as I was meeting my mom for breakfast after I dropped the kids off at school. Cais woke up with a bloody nose, but a positive attitude for the day. I had to wake Sam up, but he was in a good mood as well. All in all the morning went great. The kids ate, brushed their teeth, and got their hair combed in record time. As we set off to Destiny, I tried hard to just focus on the excitement they were feeling. We got to the school and I went inside with them to drop off their 8 million school supplies. We then ventured to the playground to line up and get ready for the first day of school. As all the kids stood in line, I realized that I was one mom among many who were struggling with their "baby" heading off to kindergarten.
When the bell rang, all the kids lined up and there was A LOT of excited chatter in the lines. All except kindergarten. Those kids were all a little shell shocked, not quite believing that all this was actually happening. Sam got a little teary when I said goodbye, but he hung tough and marched with his class into their room. Cais, of course, was the center of attention...holding court with her friends like she didn't have a care in the world. I was pleased that she actually kissed me goodbye.
I spent the day with my mom and our friend Kenda, getting her classroom ready for their first day of school on Wednesday. Kenda is a music teacher at another elementary school in town. We had a lot of fun, and it helped keep my mind off of my misery.
At 3 pm, I picked up the kids, full of energy and stories of the day. One kid puked in Sam's class (chalking that one up to nerves, hopefully), another kid got his card turned in Cais' class (behavior). Their little faces were lit with excitement!
But, I have to say that this is no fun for mom. While I am SO happy that they like school, I missed them today. I guess I'll get used to it. Wil was a little lost as well. Not used to having no one but mom to entertain him!
Anyway, just some reflections on the first day of school....the next step in the long process of growing up. I told J that if I was this bad now, what was I going to be like when they left for college or....gasp...for good! WAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

anniversary/changes

Good Monday morning!

Just returned from my anniversary trip with J. We had a great time. It's amazing to me that after nine years, he can still surprise me! We dropped the kids off with my parents Sat. afternoon and went to see "Pirates of the Caribbean - 2". A great movie - almost as good as the first one, in my opinion. He then took me to The Boulders, a really beautiful resort in Scottsdale. We had so much fun. They had resturaunts on the property, so we ended up eating there and walking all around. Picked up the kids Sun. afternoon and had lunch with my parents. The best part was that he saved his money to do this, so nothing went on credit! WHEW!

It was nice to get away and relax with J. We haven't had a lot of time to do that and we probably won't get to do it anytime soon again.

For those of you who don't already know, we are closing Aion. J started his new job with Viejo Construction today. He is starting up a brand new division of their company - General Contracting. So, he will still get to do the gas stations, just under their name instead of ours. This will give us much needed stability, both emotionally and financially. We are on the verge of bankruptcy, so we are both glad that we will have some income coming in for the first time in about two months. I am in the process of looking for a part-time job...hopefully something that won't take me away from Wil too much.

So, lots of changes coming our way! Cais and Sam start school a week from today. Not quite sure if I'm ready for all this, but they are both so excited to be going back. If I do get a job, my mom will take Wil for the times I have to work. But, if that doesn't work out, there are 8 million daycare centers around! I'm feeling sad that I might have to do that, but I think Wil will be fine. He is such a happy boy and very social. He loves his "people" (that's what he calls his family), and you would be amazed at how many of you are included in that!

Have a great week!

vacation

Well, we're back! We had a great time. It was nice to see Dave, Traci and the girls as well as Betty. We stayed in an amazing resort and were pampered and spoiled to death by Betty while we were there. All in all it was a lot more fun than I expected it to be....Las Vegas is a blast!

Here are a few pics of the "experience":


The kids all together at the Bellagio.


Our resort - called the Cancun...awesome!


Caesar's Palace...the whole inside was incredible!

The resort had a HUGE pool with four waterslides, so Cais and Sam has a blast. Alice is so tall....she is almost as tall as I am! YIKES! We spent two afternoons at the Strip, walking around looking at the different hotels. We went to a buffet one night and to a shark reef at the Mandalay Bay too. There was lots to do...we almost wished for one more day just to see the rest! I was prepared to see a lot of nastiness, but I didn't really. That surprised me the most! We will definitely be going back....maybe when the kids are just a little older. An experience we won't soon forget, and a MUCH needed vacation!

viva las vegas

We're off for a four day vacation to Las Vegas! We won't have phones or computers, so I'll talk to you all next Monday!

no more diapers!

Glory hallelujah! No more diapers! Wil is finally potty trained! I have to say that I am lucky, it only took about a month with each of the kids. But, we are done and I'm so glad. Wil's made it through naps and nighttime dry for about a week now. I know that we still may have an accident here and there, but for the most part it's all over! HOORAY!

my baby

First of all, I have to say that my kids cracked me up today. While in the middle of Kohl's, my three children walk up to me decked out in movie star type sunglasses and say, "What's up Baby Girl?" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went school shopping with my kids today. Not generally my favorite thing to do, as my kids could really give two flips about what I have to get them for school. I was alright until Sam was trying on backpacks (courtesy of my mom - thanks!) and I realized that my baby really is going to kindergarten in about four weeks.

I know that Sam is not the baby of our family, but he is my baby. He has been through the most (ear tubes/breathing problems/adenoid and tonsil removal/ear tube removal/pulled tooth...etc...). I feel a certain amount of dread going into August 4th. While I'm excited that he is going to FINALLY get to go to school, I am also aware that our relationship will change. That is what is hard to deal with.
Right now, I am his favorite person to be with. Soon, friends and teachers will be the ones who get to see him more.

Sam is my one patient, tolerant and easy-going child. Cais and Wil are just like me, high strung and emotional. Sam is more like his daddy, willing to let people be who they are and hang with that. I don't want the world to change that in him. I am glad that they are going to Destiny, at least they will have somewhat of a Christian influence there.

I know that many of you are dealing with this same thing. Aiden, Tristan and Alannah will all start kindergarten as well this fall. For some of you it's the last one there, others it's the first...but I have to say that even with your middle it's hard... it's just not going to be easy to see my first-born son walk away from me and into a whole new world just waiting for him.....

4th of July

Hope you all had a great 4th!

saying goodbye

In a word, saying goodbye to those we love just sucks. Whether it's for a day, a week or for longer, I do not enjoy goodbyes. YUCK!
My brother and sister-in-law are leaving in the morning for Ft. Collins, Colorado and a fresh start. While I am so excited to see what God is going to do for them, there is just something about watching your niece and nephew cry their eyes out that makes you die a little inside.
I praise God for perspective. Just over a year ago, I was walking their road. We were leaving a good job, tons of friends, family and church who adored us and a beautiful home to come to a place where things were VERY unknown. Isn't it amazing how God brings us through things so that we can have grace for those who go through it later? I am so glad that I walked the path so that Matt and Chris knew that, while I didn't quite understand WHY they were leaving, I understood the NEED to go.
God doesn't call us to something without expecting a sacrifice. Whether that be just the obedience to go, or the sacrifice of time, money, energy or pride - nothing we do can be done without God teaching us something through it. Sometimes that totally stinks, and other times it is the best reward.
So, just know that if you are walking down a path you think no one else has traveled, look around. God may be putting someone in your path that has been down that way before you. Listen to their advice. Listen to what God has shown them. It may not be what you want to hear, but it will help with perspective. It may even give you the grace to walk through it. You never know, you just may be that person for someone else. Don't be afraid to say that you were mad at God or that you stopped talking to Him for awhile....people need to hear that. They need you to be REAL to them.
My nephew is really mad at God right now. He was yelling tonight that he didn't understand why God would do this and that God was mean and unfair. I told him that he has the right to feel that way - but to not let his heart be hardened, but to let it draw him closer to God. God understands when we are mad at Him. He just wants us to learn what He is teaching us. It's in the times that I am the maddest at God that I draw closer to Him. I am SEEKING the reason and it makes me come closer in to Him.
Anyway, I hope that all makes sense. I came right home tonight and blogged it so that I wouldn't forget what I wanted to say. I wrote this on Alyson's blog, but I think it pertains to all of us right now...."Don't be discouraged by the NOW, but be encouraged by what is to COME."
Keep us in your prayers. We are really going through the ringer right now. Business is not well and for the first time, we are seriously thinking of closing it. BUT, I am trying to be encouraged by the "what is to come." It just needs to happen soon..... Please God, we are asking for a miracle right now!

surprise

Well...my weekend was great. It was a wonderful time of getting to see all my old friends. Marlene picked me up from the airport and we were both shaking by the time we got to Alyson's to surprise Jami. She was completely surprised and just kept saying that it was unreal!
We had a great time of just being together. Todd, Shawn and Owen were so great about giving up their time to be with the kids. Todd fixed us breakfast one morning and bought us dinner the last night I was there. I felt very loved and spoiled by the time I got back on the airplane.



I realize that this may sound insane, but I do miss Utah. It's so beautiful and COOL in the summer. I really miss Lenny and working at the church. It was great to be back at church. I felt like I was just accepted right back in....Lenny even had me do announcements! HA! But, it also made me realize that my time there is done and it's time to get to work here in Arizona. So, I went to VBS last night with the kids, helped with Cais' class and had a great time.
J survived while I was away, even going to the church plant BBQ by himself! I was proud of him....that's not normally very comfortable for him....his bossy wife usually makes him go to things like that! HA! The kids had a great time with dad and even made me a music video! Fabulous!
Thanks to Marlene and Todd, Alyson and Owen and Shawn for making this all work. Happy Birthday to my beautiful friend Jami - I hope that you had a wonderful birthday weekend and that we have the chance to do that again really soon!

quote of the day

"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade...then find somebody who life has given some vodka and have a party!"

Just a good laugh for the day. Let's party!

signs of the times

I borrowed this from Matt's blog....thanks!

How have you changed from THEN (1996) to NOW (2006)?

1) How old were you?
THEN: 23
NOW: 33

2) Where did you work?
THEN: Griffin and Associates - advertising coordinator - ABQ, NM
NOW: Stay-at-home mom/office manager for Aion Construction - Gilbert, AZ

3) Where did you live?
THEN: ABQ
NOW: Gilbert, AZ

4) How was your hair style?
THEN: Short with bangs
NOW: Long with no bangs

5) Did you wear contacts?
THEN: Yes
NOW: No

6) Did you wear glasses?
THEN: No
NOW: Yes

7) Who was your best friend?
THEN: Holly Fail
NOW: J and several others

8) Which of your pets were still alive?
THEN: Winslow my cat
NOW: Morris the hamster and BlueStar the fish (my kids pets actually)

9) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
THEN: Peter Faux
NOW: My husband, J

11) Who was your celebrity crush?
THEN: Troy Aikman
NOW: Chris O'Donnell (much cuter than McDreamy on Grey's)

12) Who was your regular-person crush?
THEN: Peter
NOW: J

13) How many piercings did you have?
THEN: 4
NOW: 4

14) How many tattoos did you have?
THEN: 0
NOW: 0

15) What was your favorite band/singer?
THEN: Alanis Morisette
NOW: Too many to name...no real favorites...lots of oldies...

16) Had you smoked a cigarette?
THEN: 1996 - no
NOW: 2006 - no

17) Had you gotten drunk?
THEN: Many times
NOW: I can’t drink anymore.....SNIFF!

18) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006?:
Not at all. I thought I'd be the one taking over the Today show from Katie and settling down to a full-time job of being really famous and rich. HA HA HA HA!!! Never thought I'd be married and definitely no kids.....boy times sure do change!

house hunting

Man, looking for a house is the most exhausting experience I have ever encountered! I went out yesterday with my mom and Chris and the kids to look at the new homes in our area. Luckily for us, prices are starting to even out and become more affordable. But after looking for a couple of hours in the 108 + heat, all I wanted to do was come home and sleep!
We did find a house that we really like. I took J to look at it last night and he really liked it a lot. It's 1880 sq. ft. and has the potential for 4 bedrooms. It's a great setup. There are a few drawbacks though. The backyard is small, there would be no driveway (these homes are in a "courtyard" configuration) and the ones that are being released are backed up to the railroad tracks. So, we aren't sure what to do. I am going back today to ask a few more questions and to see if they will be releasing any other homes in another area soon. The time for new builds has gone from 18-20 mos. (last year) to 7-8 mos. So, that's perfect timing for us. Just pray that what is supposed to be will be. We are excited to find something that is actually affordable.
Anyway, that's it for the week. We are going to Big Surf waterpark with my family tomorrow. Still haven't heard much on work....lots of "possiblities" but still nothing for the right now. Thanks for all the prayers! Keep them coming!

drumroll please...

Ok....here is the picture like I promised. Yes, it's me....in a DRESS! We had a great time in ABQ. The wedding/reception were beautiful and we had a lot of fun. We were able to see people we haven't seen in a long time. It was fun and relaxing. It was great to be with Betty and gain some much needed perspective on life.
Upon returning home last night, we went to Ben and Mandy's house for dinner. Again, a fabulous time and great food! It's just really neat to meet people who share your same ideals and focus. So, thanks to Ben and Mandy! YEA! We are getting even more excited to be a part of this church plant.
OH! Big thank you to God this morning! My parents actually went to church (Ben was speaking) and my dad LOVED it! So, this might persuade them to come as well!
Prayer request this week - WORK FOR J!!! We are confident that something will come through, but we need you all to pray for the faith to really believe that! HA!
We love you guys!
Jen

i'm melting....melting...what a world..what a world...

This is my favorite part of the Wizard of Oz. That speech delivered by the Wicked Witch is hilarious!
But, I have to say that I feel that way right now. No, not just because it's 113 degrees outside (literally). But, because I feel the burdens of about ten people on me right now and it's pushing me down to the ground.
I'm tired of being sick with this stupid disease....BLECH! I'm tired of not getting to eat what I want.... I'm tired of having to constantly be on the alert for any "bad ingredients" hidden in my food. Bright side: I am meeting with a pharmacist who does the natural approach to IC. I meet with him on Wed. Just pray that he has some encouraging news for me. I'm weaning myself of the medication, just can't afford it anymore. $200 a month is just too much for one little family! So, hopefully he can give me some different options.
I'm glad that we're headed out for a fun weekend. J's good friend Andy is getting married, so we are going to that. Bought myself a fancy new dress (yes, you heard me, a DRESS) to wear and might even get some new shoes too! HA! I get to see my aunt and grandparents, so that will be great too.
I get to come home to a home cooked dinner at the home of our new pastor and his wife...does that sound weird Ben? Lots of use of the word "home" right there.... We are excited for some good fellowship and getting to know some new people even better.
So, I guess I should just say, pray for us. We are struggling with a LOT right now. No work, illness, family moving away, no house options.......a LOT!
Hope you all are having a good week. I probably won't post again until I get home.
Love Ya!

fyi

So, if your child ever decides that they're bored and draws all over your new IKEA kids table and chairs as well as the carpet and the wall, let me give you a tip....
1) Use your Magic Eraser on the table/chairs and wall...works like a dream
2) On the carpet, first vaccum the mess, then use the dry erase cleaner solution and a washcloth(dry) to blot up the stain...
Takes about an hour or so...but sure does kill those summer doldrums!
Aaaaaa....summer....
Anyone want to buy a 2 1/2 year old....he's cheap! HA!
(This is all just hypothetical of course.....)

holiday

Well, here we are at the Grand Canyon. It was fun, except that there were no guard rails and it was blowing 80 mph! But, it was great to get away. It was nice and cool and we actually had a great time together!
We stayed in a cabin Sat. night and went to the lake in Prescott on Sun. Beautiful! We went on a paddleboat - which I don't recommend if you have bad knees like me... Anyway, it was really relaxing....did I mention it was nice to get away! HA!
Hope you all are having a great extra weekend day! Happy Memorial Day!

shoulda been Chris....

enough said........bummer......i hate american idol......

dwell

"Dwell in the midst of us....wipe all the tears from our faces....dwell in the midst of us...come and dwell in this place...dwell in the midst of us....come and have your way....not our will but yours be done, come and change us....not our will but yours be done, come sustain us...."

I love this song, probably my favorite from all my years in the Vineyard. The man who wrote it, Casey Cuorum, was the guest worship leader at our church on Sunday. He really knows what worship is and how to do it. I have not been at that level of worship in quite some time. I literally wept through the entire set. It was beautiful - as if you could just reach out and touch the hand of God. It was all that I had within me not to LEAP out of my seat and dance. I felt the presence of the Lord through my entire being, as if a warm glow had settled around me. I knew God was speaking to me, telling me that we were going to be alright, that He would guide our way.

I have struggled with a lot of confusion about the issue of church. Whether or not it was really even for us. I have felt disconnected and at a loss. I have had no peace in a long time.

You see, first and foremost, I am a servant. That is my heart. That is what I do best. It is all I want to do. I am not a "shout it from the rooftops" type of person. I am not very good at getting in people's faces about Christ and demanding that they turn or die. I want to show people the way of Christ in a practical, day-by-day approach. For me, that is to serve them, or serve in the church, whatever the case may be.

Secondly, I am a friend. I think I'm a pretty good one. I have learned a lot of lessons along the way and it has all helped me to be a better friend. The friendships that I have with the people I trust most are so important to me. I care deeply, and while that has gotten me into trouble at times, and I have been taken advantage of, I do not regret the opportunity to care for people. Sometimes people get so jaded about the world around them and think that people aren't worth the bother. For me, that is sad. What better way to reach someone, then just by loving them and serving them?

I am also a worshipper, a teacher and an administrator...but those are secondary to being the servant that God has called me to be!

I want God to come and dwell in me. So that all people see is God when they look at me. I don't need to be loud, outrageous or outspoken....that is not what I am called to be. Some people are. Some people are called to be like Paul - always had something to say. That's great....but it's not me. Now, I like to have an opinion, I just don't feel the need to cut people to the bone like I used to. Maybe I've mellowed in my old age.....maybe my husband's personality is rubbing off on me - GASP!

We attended a meeting for the new church plant after the service. it was great. We can really tell that this is where we belong. I told J that for the first time, I have peace. I know church plants are hard - my dad was a church planter. I know that there will be hard times ahead - but I welcome the challenge of doing something that will REALLY make a difference. The Amadeo Church will be one of those churches, I can feel it. I'm excited and ready to work!

My sis-in-law wrote a really interesting post regarding the body of Christ. You can click on the link that says "Chris Tipton," next to this post. Read it. It will really challenge your way of thinking - I guarantee it. Everyone is called to be something - what are YOU doing about what you are called to be? And God bless you if you know that you are right where you belong. I finally can say that I do - for the first time in a year. HALLELUJAH!!

hello????????

Is anyone out there going to post again in THIS century? Geez.....
I know we're all busy, but this is getting ridiculous! I want to see a NEW post from Jason, Jenell, Alyson, Marlene and Chris this week! And that's an ORDER!!!
Now....let's see who responds......hmmmmmmmmmm........

Here's my beautiful daughter and me at the Mother/Daughter Banquet on Saturday. She danced and was so graceful! It's so amazing to see God's will in all of this. It was breathtaking to watch her....but I was sad, because I didn't get to do it to! HA!
We went to the New Friends Dinner last night at church. That was good - although I've been in the Vineyard so long I could've spoken every word Jack said - HA! But, we met some new people and we got to meet Jack. Next Sunday, we're going to a pizza lunch for the church plant. We are excited to see what God is doing there!
Just be praying that God gives us some direction!
Feeling better, sleeping better.....last treatment is Friday....HALLELUJAH!!



Here's a pic of me and my mom as well. It was fun to spend Mother's Day with her...the first in a long time! Enjoy!

Happy Mother's Day!

Have a great day everyone! Enjoy the one day you get to be the center of attention!

two of a kind

Weird....none of my kids LOOK like me.....but Cais cannot deny my FEET! HA! This picture is from our day together. Cais picked the color of our nails and the flower as well....FUN!

god is good...all the time

I need that to be my mantra, especially during times like these. It's so easy to fall into the "woe is me" type attitude. It's during the times that are the hardest that we need to remember that God is good and He is in control.

J and I had a night out last night for the first time in forever. We went to a housing seminar to qualify for this super new loan (Acorn Housing). It was interesting, but there were like 60 people packed into a room the size of the kitchen at MVCF! Tight and HOT!!! But, we are looking forward to the process and hopefully this will give us "reality" in finding a house. We were able to talk and have dinner afterwards. It was great. It's been hard to find those times together lately. So, it was a good time of communication and bonding.

Just be praying that J gets a contract soon. He has so many irons in the fire, but nothing for the right NOW. Scary. But, he is hopeful, so I CHOOSE to be too.

Anyway, I've been through the ringer this week. Cais had her first ear infection and I'm taking Sam in this afternoon because we think he has one too. AND all three have had pink eye at various points this week as well. ARGH!!!!!! I think I need to go back and get my medical degree, so that I'm not spending a gazillion dollars on dr's. appointments.

Looking forward to the weekend. Going to have a "mother/daughter" day with Cais tomorrow. We're going to get pedicures! HOORAY! She's really excited. Soccer games, shopping and movie night with the kids are in order for us this weekend. Hope you all are going to have a great weekend as well. Remember.....God is good...ALL THE TIME!!!!!

stressed

This is going to be quick.... We are needing some MAJOR prayer from all of you right now. We are really struggling with some financial issues and need some realistic answers. I'm not going into more detail, but if you think of us, please be praying for us personally and for the company.

Love Ya,
Jen

my birthday angel

Cais is seven today! I can't believe that seven years ago I was in the hospital pushing my brains out to bring her into the world. I was telling her the "birth story" this morning on the way to school and I burst into tears.....and then she did! HA! Like mother, like daughter!
She has had a great day....cupcakes at school, dinner with family tonight and a party with friends on Sunday. She's getting a Beta fish from us and new bedroom stuff. We're going to have a mother/daughter day next weekend. I'm really looking forward to it.
She is so beautiful and getting to be really independent. It breaks my heart, but I'm also excited to see what God has in store for her in the future.
I can only hope that we have the same incredible relationship that I have with my mom. It is my greatest hope!
So, happy birthday my sweet angel girl! May all your dreams come true and may God truly bless year number 7 for you!

feelings

Isn't it interesting how different things affect your feelings? I am not one to get my feelings hurt very easily, so things that would roll off my back really hurt other's feelings.
I was faced with a situation last week where something I wrote here hurt someone else's feelings. While I didn't look at it as hurtful, the other person really was upset. So, I removed the post. Honestly, I didn't want to - they are MY feelings/opinions/observations of life. But, I found that I also didn't want this person to have hurt feelings over what I said.
Unfortunately, I find that I'm irritated and feeling like MY privacy has been invaded. I want to be able to say what I want to say without feeling questioned at every turn. This is why I started blogging. It was more to have contact with my friends than anything else. When you only talk once a week/month on the phone, it is hard to remember everything you want to say. So, this is great, because I can sit down, type it out and no worries! Or so I thought......
So, I'm rethinking this blog thing. Maybe I'll post again and maybe not. If there is something important I need to say - check your email!

my easter bunnies

Aren't they cute? This was the BEST picture! I just had to share it will all of you!

in the air

WOW - what a week! I'm sorry if i've been a little incognito with everyone, but it's been crazy! I can't believe it's Monday again already....wasn't that yesterday? Here's my week:

I don't think I've had the stomach flu since I was pregnant with Wil. And believe me, after this week's bout with it - I never want it again! UGH! First Wil, then J and then me. I'm just really hoping that Cais and Sam don't end up getting it. My dad came down with it this morning....so my name is mud over there - HA!

My treatments are going OK. Found out my insurance will not cover this (big shocking surprise!) so they are going to let me self pay for $75 a shot. Which means about $600 by the time it's all said and done. GULP! But, I'm almost done with the first three weeks....and I have to say that I feel so much better! SO, it's worth it - in the long run.

Easter was great. Went to church and met the wife of the associate pastor. She introduced us to a bunch of people, one being the youth pastor. He is actually going to plant a church out of the Gilbert Vineyard, called Amadeo Church. I believe the web address is www.amadeochurch.com. If it doesn't come up, let me know and I'll try to figure it out. He was super nice. We are actually very interested in this, so we'll see where it takes us. We always were drawn to those youth pastor types! HA! They won't break away until next year, but are beginning to meet in May for meetings and information. So, I have no idea why, but J and I feel very excited about this prospect. I was VERY homesick in church because they sang "Amazing Love" and that's my favorite song to dance to. But, I did take Cais to girl's dance and it looks like a good thing. So, hopefully we'll be able to start plugging in and getting to know people. I'm feeling antsy to "get to work." I know.....it's a sickness!

Anyway, this week should calm down some. Soccer is the name of the game now, so we are gone three nights and half of Saturday doing that. I don't know what we're going to do when Wil starts in the fall! CALGON - TAKE ME AWAY!!

I'm trying to stay on top of everyone's blogs. Jason's latest post (well, the link) had smoke coming out of my ears! You should read what he wrote in reaction. Very thoughtful. I read it to J and he said it sounded like scripture! HA!

We just continue to be amazed at God's timing and provision. J gets calls daily to look at new work. We could still use the prayers though - no contracts yet! But, I just cannot believe how blessed we are to be able to do what we're doing. It's a dream come true.

copycat

Hi there! I'm back from my quick trip to ABQ. I saw this on Jason's blog and thought it was cool. Very interesting......
I'll blog more about the trip later. I'm going to bed!

sad

Hi everyone!

Just wanted to let you know that J's great-grandma "Maama" passed away yesterday. She was 93. We are going to Albuquerque today to attend the funeral on Monday. Please pray for safe travel and peace for J. He was very close to her growing up. He has lost 3 very special grandparents over the last 18 mos. I only met her two times. Once at my wedding and once when Cais was 14 mos. old. Cais took her first walking steps to her.

In loving memory of Sophia Johnson.

I'll catch up when I get back.

my girls

"Is it possible to have 'mother love' for kids that aren't yours?" a friend asked me recently. I had to say a resounding "YES!"

Sometimes (just for shock value) I tell people that we have six kids. Our oldest is 22 and our youngest is 2. HA! People stare incredulously at me until I explain that my oldest three aren't mine.

But, I have to say that I do believe that they are. Even though I did not bear them physically, I love them like I do my own. Jill, Toe and Trever will forever remain in my heart. I will never give up on them. I will always love them and care about their lives - what they are doing and where they are headed. Even though we do not live together, I still wish that I could see them every day. Even if just to give them a hug and let them know that I love them.

I recently "found" Jill and Toe through MySpace. Christie Weehunt (another one that I love dearly) let me know that I could find them there. So, we have reconnected and I am so happy. I love the fact that they aren't afraid to tell me the truth. They know I love them enough to look past it. They are "my girls." I have always called them that and I love the little smile that they get on their faces when I do.
Dana - are you on MySpace?

Anyway, just feeling a little nostalgic tonight. J is doing the paper route this week, so I am up alone while he is trying to get a couple extra hours of sleep in. He is so great to help this lady out. I guess it helps us out too. Three birthdays in one month is hard to pay for! Plus with my meds and treatment, who knows what that will cost us! So, even though it's a pain in the butt, I know it's God providing during this time. My father-in-law hired me to do a brochure for his new company too. Just pray that I don't strangle him before it's all over - HA!

Pray for creativity for me because these meds are messing with my brain. I may have to reduce the antidepressent in half. I'm going to talk to the doctor tomorrow. Still hating this stupid diet too. Maybe that's why I'm so grumpy.....no chocolate for a week will do that to you! ARGH! I'm hanging in there though - just trying to figure out what the heck I can eat! Surprisingly, dinners are the easiest! I bought this herbal sweetener called "Stevia" today. It can be put into water to flavor it. It's not bad and since I HATE drinking water, it does help and was worth the $15 I had to pay for it! I also bought Almond Butter since I can't have Peanut Butter. Not bad either - I actually may like it more! So, progress is being made!

out of it

I am feeling really tired. This medicine they have me on is doing screwy things with my emotions and sleep. This was going to be an update post, but I don't know if I can stay awake to finish it!

HEALTH

Well, I have to say that I am feeling so much better! The diet sucks, and the meds are making me really out of it. But I only went to the bathroom 7 times yesterday, vs. the 20 times from last week! So, YEA!!! I am really snapping at my family (more than usual - HA!) and I just feel like a space cadet! So, pray that my body comes into alignment with all the changes.

HOME

No news here. We have looked outside of Chandler/Gilbert, but still are having a hard time fitting it into our budget. So, I think we are going to passively look around and wait until August. Hopefully, J's work situation will improve and we'll be able to afford something closer in.

HAPPINESS

I am happy. I am tired and feeling weird, but happy. There are situations you just can't change, no matter how much you want them to be different! So, I'm embracing happiness and going from there!

Side Note: They are having a girl's worship dance class at the church to put a dance together for Mother's Day. I signed Cais up and I'm going to go with her and see if they need any help. I'm excited about this opportunity for Cais and I hope this is leading her in the right direction.

That's it for today! I'm headed off for a little nap before I pick up Cais! Love you all!

well...I have it!

I went to the doctor today for my followup appointment. They confirmed that I do have interstital cystitis. It's going to involve a lot. Medication (which is through the roof expensive - to the tune of $200 a MONTH!), diet change (no more chocolate and soda kids!) and a twice a week appointment at the doctor's for the next six weeks. UGH!
So, I am relieved that I'm not insane...but, I'm really worried about affording the medication. I don't know how long I'm required to take it. Just pray that we're able to figure all this out. It's going to drastically change our lives. Probably for the good and definitely healthier!
Thanks for all your good wishes and prayers! I feel quite protected and loved when I have you guys around!
Love Ya,
Jen

happy birthday to us

This was a picture taken at Castles N' Coasters. We went there on Sunday and had a great time. I was so proud of Sam - he rode EVERY ride - even the roller coaster with two loops and a corkscrew! I actually enjoyed sharing my birthday with my son this year. He is getting so big - I cannot believe he is 5! We had his birthday party last night and got his hamster (Morris) yesterday morning. We both had pretty great birthdays seperately, but the one we shared together on Sunday is a memory I'll always cherish!

perspective

Isn't it amazing what the Lord can do in just one short day? Yesterday at this time, I was curled up in a ball, sobbing my eyes out. Today, I have had a pretty good day. I did a garage sale with my mom, made a little $$$, went my niece's birthday (got a sunburn - in MARCH), went shopping with my birthday $$$ and had a really nice evening with my family.
Perspective is an interesting tool that God uses to slap me upside the head. I am not dying, my life is not over, I am not out on the street. I have wonderful friends who love me and support me at every turn. I have a fabulous husband who loves me and loves me enough to know when to stay away and when to be at my side. I have three healthy, beautiful children who love me so much that they want to "kick that lady in the butt...", even though all I did was yell at them all day. I have the best family EVER - encouraging, supportive, protective - eveything you could hope for. We have a nice house with a great deal on the rent. We are not destitute, we are not poor, we are not losing anything.
This was really no one's fault. Frustrating, but true. The lady who messed up the information, didn't do it on purpose. She had no malicious intent. She made a mistake.....can I say that I haven't?
So, life goes on. We are going to continue to rent our house, pray that housing prices start dropping and cling tight to the perspective that God has showed me today. Thank you all for your kind words and phone calls during this time. It meant more to me than you'll ever know.

the door is shut

Our financing fell through due to misrepresentation on the part of the lender....I am devastated....If there is one thing I hate more than anything else it's being lied to....The woman who handled our loan totally misled us....please don't call right now....I'm WAY too emotional to talk about it.....thanks for your prayers, I could really use them right now, however I really do not wish to ever talk about this again....thanks.....we are not going to be able to buy a home at this time....

update

Well, I went to the doctor today. I found out that I might have a condition called "interstitial cystitis." This is when certain foods eat away the lining of the bladder causing pits to form. Over time, this causes the person to have to go to the bathroom between 10-20 times a day and over 4 times at night. I have been dealing with this for about two years now and I am DONE!
So, I go in for more tests next Friday. Hopefully, this is what it is and I can get treatment. Otherwise, I'll have to have more tests to find out what it is.
Unfortunately, if I do have it, I will no longer be able to have any food that I like anymore. You can't have soda, chocolate, most sugars, spicy foods or fruit. So, YEA! But, I guess it's worth it, just to feel better!
Thanks for your prayers - all went well!

truth

Telling the truth is hard isn't it? Sometimes it is just a matter of giving someone an answer to a question, but sometimes it can go much deeper. It can go into matters of the heart, how you're feeling, or just being realistic. I tend to tie the word truth in with the words honest and realistic. Everyone has their "truth" and sometimes that differs with someone else's "truth", even in the same situation. I am facing three areas in my life that are requiring some form of truth right now. Just trying to get my thoughts in order, so bear with me.......

HEALTH
I am going to the doctor on Wednesday. I have really been struggling with some health issues lately, and it's causing me a lot of pain/discomfort. So, I have made an appointment and I hope to have some answers by the end of it all. I really do not like to go to the doctor, as you all know. But, to tell the truth, I am so miserable I guess desperation has set in. I don't really want to go into it here, as it's personal. If you have a great need to know, just give me a call or email me. To be honest, I am terrified of the answer I may get. I know realistically that it's probably an easy fix, but I'm a glass half empty type of gal..... I am also having heart palpatations again and my migraines are getting worse. I don't know what to do, but I'm just going to lay it all out there for the doctor and see what happens.

HOME
We are still looking at houses. We put an offer in on two this weekend. The first was already sold, and the second we are countering back and forth. I have to say that this is quite stressful for me, and I almost hope the deal just falls through so that I don't have to worry about it any more. I have a crazy week in store for me, with three birthdays and a weekend of parties. So, I really don't need any more stress! I just really want to be in my own home, to settle in and not worry about this kids eating in the living room! To be able to paint and decorate and not live in a sterile white house! YUCK!

HAPPINESS
This is the hardest truth for me to deal with right now. Why does being happy take so much effort? I really thought that once I moved to Phoenix and settled in, I would be happy. But now, Matt and Chris are moving, my parents are discouraged and depressed about church and life in general, and its been a real struggle trying to fit in at church. Don't get me wrong, I'm still happy to be here, but these things are just wearing me down. I know that happiness is a choice, and I have really been trying to just be happy with what I have. But, I have to say that it's getting harder to paste a smile on my face! There are other things in my life that are challenging my happpiness right now, but I'm not at liberty to share.

The truth? Life is tough right now, now just for me, but for everyone. So, don't freak out and think I'm going to jump off the nearest building (Jenell). I just needed to vent a little and to let you all know what's really going on. That's the whole point of this blogging thing....right???????

me and my shadow

Just another fun pic we took the other night. Cais and I have been working hard on our time alone together. Although we don't get it very often, when we are able to get away, just the two of us, we sure have a good time. I am looking forward to having a really special day, just her and I, for her birthday next month. I'm already starting to make plans! I vowed to do this every year when she turned three and then life happened. So, I'm making a new vow to do this with her every year starting this year. She's going to be seven and that is just unreal for me. Enjoy the picture!

wil's new "do"

Wil got his first haircut on Monday. He was a nightmare - screamed the entire time, but the end result sure was cute! He looks so much older - but that hair of his is still blonde! Enjoy!

weekend reflections

Well...it's raining! And raining and raining and raining! It started at around 2-3 am and hasn't stopped! I think it's trying to make up for the 142 days of no rain... But, it's great. I was beginning to worry that the weather was just a little too perfect here! HA!

We were supposed to start stretching ourselves by going to a breakfast this morning at our new church (Gilbert Vineyard) and J woke up this morning with PINK EYE! ARGH! So, we had to nix those plans and are just sitting at home listening to the rain and actually enjoying the peace of the day.

My parents and brother's family are out of town this weekend, so we are having some nice one-on-one time with my grandma who is here visiting from Denver. She is so much fun to be with. She is 87 years old and still walks about a mile a day! I can only hope to be this spry in my old age!

Have you ever heard the song "100 years"? There is a line in there that says, "I'm 33 for a moment.....33 and you're on your way..." It's really not my favorite song, but I really like the whole point of the song that time is really short and we should live life because we only have a hundred years to live. I'm turning 33 in a week or so and I can't believe it's gone so quickly. I feel like I'm on the verge of really becoming who God made me to be and I do feel like I'm "on my way" at 33.

House hunting is proceeding. We looked at six houses this week and are going to look at three more this weekend. We're hoping that we can find something with four bedrooms, but the prices here are unbelievable! I looked at a 1400 sq. ft. home that they wanted $265 for! ARGH!

Anyway, looking forward to a nice, peaceful day. Hoping the same for all of you! These are all the "deep thoughts" I could come up with today. As you can see, I am having a very shallow day - HA! Love you all!

and the winner is.....

HA! I'm good....yea..yea..I'm good! I got four out of the five I predicted right! Not too shabby for just some random person! HA!
Man, if only I could get paid to do this stuff.......Hmmmmm......
Lots of love for Reese's speech. Very kind and classy. If only Joaquin had won....SNIFF! Oh well...at least Crash won for best movie! Hooray!

oscar picks

Again, just for fun...one of my favorite things to do...I used to have Oscar parties!

Best Picture - Crash
Best Actor - Joaquin Phoenix
Best Actress - Reece Witherspoon
Best Sup. Actor - George Clooney
Best Sup. Actress - Rachel Weise

I know that Brokeback Mountain is going to win in a lot of these categories, but I can dream if I want! HA! If you haven't seen "Walk the Line," you need to. It is a totally ridiculous shame that this movie wasn't nominated for Best Picture...smacks of fixing the winner....if you ask me!

american idol

This is just for fun....

Here are my picks for the top 12 on American Idol:

Guys
Ace
Chris (my personal favorite)
Gedeon
Elliott
Taylor
Bucky

Girls
Lisa
Paris
Katherine
Kellie
Mandisa
Melissa

Next week: Will and Kevin will go for the boys and Kinnick and Ayla will go for the girls.

Chris is my favorite! It's so great to see somebody with the talent and relevancy for today's market. AND he sang Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" the first week....SIGH! He sang Fuel this week and was just amazing. Way to go! Not bad for a married guy with kids! HA!

home sweet home???

Isn't it weird how God works sometimes? Here I am, finally feeling a bit of security in the knowledge that we have a house to rent for a few months before we have to make any big decisions regarding buying and I get a phone call on Tuesday that just threw me for a loop.
Our landlord (ReMax) called to inform us that the lady that owns this house is going to sell it (and all her other investment properties in AZ) and would like to give us first option. WHAT?!?!?!?! So, I call her back and find out that she is going to ask $305K for the house.....Yea, right! HA! I told her that we wouldn't be interested, but what would that do to our lease? She said that our lease would remain intact, and because it's a legally binding agreement, they will only sell to investors looking for rental property. This way we will still have our lease, just with a different investor.
Welll, I have to say that this makes me feel a bid unsettled. I'm not sure that I want to have to deal with someone new at the end of my lease trying to explain all the things that we went over with our current landlord at the beginning.
Here's the interesting part...I have found a house that I really like. It is in a older, established neighborhood and has been completely remodeled. They are asking $245K, but we think we might be able to get it for around $235K. I had found this home a while ago and just wishfully thinking said, "God, wouldn't it be great it they would let us our of our lease to buy this house?" ( I need to stop doing that, it always gets me into trouble!)
So, I talked to the landlord about it. She said that they would rather us move out, because it enables them to be able to sell it to anyone, not just investors. So, they will let us out of our lease with a 30 day notice.
Needless to say, I am more than a little freaked. The thought of packing up and moving again in a month's time is not appealing. However, the alternative is having to keep my house really picked up and clean to show to realtors (for which we will receive $100 of our rent each month until it sells). Not appealing either, as I have just begun to recover from three years of doing that! ARGH!
So, I guess I'm asking for prayer. We would actually like to buy this other house, but we are afraid we won't qualify because we haven't been in business long enough. Any thoughts, ideas, opinions or advice would be GREATLY appreciated! Anyway, that's my drama for the week - HA!

growing up

I hope my children
look back on today,
And see a mom who
had time to play.
There will be years
for cleaning and cooking,
For children grow up
while we're not looking.

I'm starting to feel like time is quickly passing me by. My kids are getting older and I know I am entering a new season of my life. While I am excited about this, I still miss the smell of a newborn, the fact that they take naps and don't whine, they don't talk back, and they are totally in love with you all the time.

Cais is getting so big. Last night she cuddled with me on the couch for an hour! I was so shocked! This is the child who NEVER wanted to be held or touched for very long. She is one of those kids who is in for the quick hug and then is off again. I just look at her and see so much of J and I in her. She looks like both of us, and has parts of both our personalities. She has lost three teeth in the last two weeks and is beginning to look like she did at a year old! HA! (See photo.)
Sam on the other hand used to be my cuddler. Now he only wants mommy, not daddy to kiss and hug him. He only wants mommy to call him "honey." Cause these are "girl" things to do and say. J is crushed. I just registered Sam for an eight week kindergarten preparation class and I also registered him this afternoon for kindergarten at Destiny. SNIFF! While he still looks like J, he defintely has a lot of my expressions and coloring. And I can imagine that he is a lot like J at this age. He is mellow and laid back. Not like the other two....unfortunately they take after their very high strung mommy...especially Wil.
If I had known that naming my son Wil would make him willful, I think I would've found a different name! This child is exactly like me at this age, according to my mom, in looks and personality. But where did all that blond hair come from? A mystery to be sure! This little guy is such a light in our household. His little voice and laugh are something you just don't want to miss! He is hilariously funny, mimics everything you say and really appreciates the finer points of talking back to mommy and daddy......willful....that's my baby!
Anyway, I'm feeling a little melancholy today so this is why this is a little sentimental. Hope you all are doing well and continuing to "grow" where you are planted!

old friends

We have recently been visited by two of my dearest friends as well as a couple that we were in home group with back in Heber. It is still so amazing to me the friendships we made in Utah. I feel so blessed with the knowledge that there are so many people all around the U.S. that love us and consider us their friends. Do you have any idea what a gift from God that is? There are many people who cannot even count on one hand their friends, and yet here we are counting on our fingers AND toes!

God is good - ALL THE TIME. Even when we don't feel a part of things, even when we are crying out for something new, even when we are so lonely our heart aches, God is good and He is with us. Believe me, I have felt all of these things....still do a lot of the time. But, God is here and He has provided so much for me and J and our family. We have been able to make friends with two couples, just by being in the right place at the right time. Coincidence? I think not!

After reading everyone's blogs of late, I know that this is a common theme that is running between us. I just want to encourage all of you to reach out and trust the process that God is leading you through. I KNOW it's hard and I KNOW that it may not be where you want to be. But, God is always reaching out to you, waiting for you to trust Him enough to know that HE knows what is best for you. Trust enough to understand that even if it's not the answer you want, know that it's God's best for you. I have begun to pray "Your will Lord, not mine..." Difficult for me, as I am such a control freak it's scary! But, I have found that the times in my life that I feel the most fulfilled and happy are the times I have let go of what I wanted and let God do His thing.

I am praying this for each and every person who reads this blog, old friend or new. May we all have the faith to stand and grow where we are. We have a lot to offer this world - never forget that!

in a nutshell

Just a brief post to tell you about the events of the last few days:
Sunday we went to "the gathering," an alternative evening service at the Word of Grace church in Mesa. We had a really terrific time and felt quite comfortable. I don't know if that will be where we attend regularly, but it was great just gettting back into church and being able to worship. They have about 45 min. of worship - which is SO great.
I feel somewhat compelled to give the Gilbert Vineyard another chance. We let others feelings and opinions affect our opinion of this church, and I don't know if we really gave it a fair chance. I have met (through Jason's blog) a couple who attend this church. We are meeting at some point for coffee and a movie and I hope to be able to talk with them about what happened and get their point of view on the subject. I don't know, but I feel as if this meeting is God ordained so that we can get perspective and clarity.
But, in any event, we need to find a church soon! Our kids can't be shuffled from one church to another much longer. It isn't fair to them.



Valentine's Day was great. J was his typical wonderful self and bought me a dozen roses and some really cool candlesticks. We got take out from Applebee's (not recommended unless you like cold, badly presented food) and the kids actually stayed upstairs for 45 min. while we ate and talked. It was great!
I find that I don't give my husband enough credit sometimes. He loves me so much and always goes above and beyond to make sure that I am happy and taken care of. I feel almost apologetic at times to friends whose husbands don't do as much. But, no more! J is so thoughful and I want everyone to know that! I feel very blessed and honored to be the one for him!

And in other news of the day.....my kids are sick again...doctor's appt. at 10:30....not feeling so great myself....probably all the crap I ate last night....still continuing to lose weight....154.5 at yesterday's weigh-in.....

So that's it...in a nutshell! Have a blessed day!

a time to laugh

I, like Jenell, am recovering from my girl's weekend. We had a wonderful time and it was sad to see both Jenell and Alyson return home. I have slept a LOT since their departure due to the intense 2 am gab sessions and laughing my butt off all weekend...too bad that doesn't really work physically - HA!
We all need a time to laugh. A time to see what's around us and appreciate all that God has done for us. I realized that I am in love with the sunshine and am so happy that it's 80 degrees in February. Not everyone's cup of tea, I know, but for me this is paradise. I know that the 115's are coming just around the corner, but I'd rather that than the 20's.
This weekend, I laughed and I cried, but even more than that it made me feel at peace with our decision to move here. This is where I belong.

starting over

Have you ever watched the show "Starting Over?" It's a daytime reality TV show about six women who live in a house together and get life coach counseling and real counseling while they are there. They are learning how to live life "authentically" - which means that they have to get over all their misconceptions about themselves, how the world views them, and how they view the world. It's a very interesting show. I don't like parts of it, but you really get to like the women and root for them to be able to "graduate" when the time comes.

I realized today that I am in the process myself of starting over. I have moved to a new city, had to make new friends, find a new church, and try to figure out how to live around my family without interferring even when I REALLY want to! HA! I have had to face some misconceptions about myself and how I view others. It is a different world here in Arizona. Much different than Utah. I have just begun to realize how much more "open" I feel here.......

This past weekend we began the process of finding some friends. It's not been big on my "things I MUST do" list, but this friendship really just came out of the blue. I met Jessica at Cais' school. Her son, Anthoni is head over heels for Cais. It's pretty cute. She really likes him too. Needless to say they totally hit it off and got into LOTS of trouble in class (they eventually had to be seperated!). Anyway, I met Jessica at the Halloween part and we had so much in common (besides the fact that we thought our kids were totally cute!). She was born and raised in Utah (not LDS) and moved here about 11 years ago. Our kids are the same age (her other son is Sam's age). So, we've had a few playdates and then we decided to get our families together. We did that this weekend. We went over to Jessica and Brian's house on Friday. It was really fun, but it was weird. I kept expecting people I knew to come into the room - like I was in home group or something! HA! J and Brian hit it off too, so I guess we have officially made some new friends! It made me happy, but a bit melancholy. I guess we need to do this, but I just don't know if we will ever have the friendships like we did in Utah. They invited us to try their church, so I think we might do that next weekend. It is an alternative service on Sunday evening. I'm excited to try it out.

So, I'm starting over. It means that things will change, but I will never forget how I got here and the support of all of you that have helped me to do it. I'm so glad that we have all stayed in contact with each other over these last nine months. I'm so excited to see Alyson and Jenell, but I EXPECT a visit from Marlene and Jami SOON!

weigh-in

Well...I lost 4 lbs. this week! HOORAY! I really like this program. It's really good food, even J likes everything that I've fixed so far. I feel better, I have more energy (I've even been to the park with my kids twice this week!) and I don't feel deprived at all. My biggest challenge is going to be learning how to eat when I'm out in the "real world". I went to Rubio's with my mom today for lunch and got a low carb chicken salad with no dressing (fat-free on the side). It was delicious and I felt good about what I was eating.
Anyway, just wanted to post my progress. My goal for next week is to lose two lbs. Keep your fingers crossed!

new attitude

Well....I must admit....it's hard for me to write this, but I'm getting fat again. I don't know if it is the move, the holidays, or my general non-caring attitude, but I have gained about 12 pounds since I moved here. I am now weighing in at 160 lbs. That is just not acceptable.
So, I have (finally) decided to do something about it. I have joined the "Biggest Loser" club and am hoping that this will help me get motivated to lose the weight. IT is a really great site - they set up your diet and fitness program. It costs about $20.00 a month. So, I'm going to try it for two months and see. I have to weigh in every week, so I'll be posting that here as well. Hopefully, having everyone see my weight loss or gain will keep me motivated. I know that when I did Weight Watchers with Alyson, we were so motivated because we wanted to be skinny together(and because we had to weigh-in in front of each other - HA!)
Anyway, just wanted to be honest. This is going to be hard, but I'm going to put on a "new attitude" and try my hardest to lose the weight.

dance

I danced today. It was the first time since I've lived here that I really felt led to do so. I didn't want to - in fact I argued with God for awhile. But, He said "take off your shoes and DO IT!" So, I did.
It was amazing. I felt years slide off of me as I lifted my hands and began to worship. REALLY worship. It was in my brother's living room, and it was great. We have been meeting together for about a month. We all have nowhere to go except where we are now.
J and I have really been feeling frustrated about the whole situation with church. But, today it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I was really able to enter in and hold the Father's hand and dance for Him.
We are really struggling. I feel so guilty about my kids not being in a church. Isn't that weird? I don't really care about church for myself, but I feel like my kids need to be plugged in somewhere. I actually enjoy just meeting with my family, but I know that J is getting antsy. We've all talked about a home church, but no one really wants to do that. We all want to be a part of the Vineyard, but don't know where to go. Chris wants to move to Fort Collins tomorrow if she could, so she really doesn't feel like they should be getting involved with something they may leave in a year (this is in regard to the home church). I totally understand that and appreciate the honesty. I just feel like something should be happening, but everyone is waiting .........for something...... Not that we should start a church, that freaks even me out. But, I just want to do what God has intended for me to do. And I don't really know what that is here and how to go about doing it. And so I am frustrated.....
But, I had such a wonderful time this morning dancing that I didn't care for awhile. Wil and Sam came in to dance with me and that was great. J gave me a big smile later and told me that it was nice to see me dancing again.
So, while I don't know what's in store for me here....I'm going to do what I feel God has shown me to do. Just keep dancing and holding tight to HIM.

when i am old i shall wear purple....

Jenell's post has started me thinking about getting old. I have felt really old lately. Just ugly and tired and blah!
But, I don't want to be sad or in pain or grumpy. I think that this is what I'll look like when I'm old. This picture is of my grandparents. My Grandma Stump (mom's mom) is one of the most cheerful people I've ever met. She is in pain a lot (she has osteoporosis (SP?)) but always has a smile on her face. Even when she cries, she smiles. I think she is so beautiful and if I have to get old, I'm glad that I have some of her genetics in me!
This picture is heinous of me, but I wanted you all to see my "pinchable" grandparents!

my chickadees

Just thought I'd post a couple of pics of my cuties! Now that I have cable internet, my whole world has changed! HA!
Enjoy!
Jen

country boys

I have been watching the best documentary the last two nights! "Country Boys" is a film about two boys who live in Kentucky and go to an alternative school. It is such an interesting movie, J and I have stayed up an hour after we go to bed just to watch it! If you get a chance, check it out. The last night is tonight. Just hits me where I live...I guess. It really reminded me how much I love kids and want to work with them in some capacity.
Anyway, if it comes on PBS again, you should check the whole series out. I believe it is three nights long.

football, narnia and a new job (Jen on her soap box)

Thought I'd combine three posts into one to cut down on reading time for everyone.

As you all know, my passion for football runs deep. I am in the minority of women who enjoy this sport, but I grew up with a crazed Denver fan for a dad and a brother...go figure. I generally only have time to watch the teams I enjoy (Broncos/Cowboys), but yesterday I decided to watch the Bengals/Steelers game. As I settled down with my heating pad(horrible back strain)..to enjoy the game, I was horrified to see what happened within the first two plays. One defender deliberately knocked down the quarterback for the Bengals in the knees and down he went, never to return to the game. Six plays later, the Steelers injured another wide reciever for the Bengals who also did not return. Needless to say, the Bengals lost. Normally, I couldn't care less, but I was angered by the fact that the Steelers took out the two best players to win. It was the one of the most HEINOUS things I have ever seen. No penalties, no personal fouls, no lost yardage....in fact a personal foul was called on one of the Bengals! I couldn't believe it! That player from the Steelers should've been removed from the game!! ARGH! I had to change the channel because I was yelling at the TV and J was trying to take a nap, consequently wasn't too excited with my yelling! HA!

I got to go on a date with J this weekend to see "Narnia". Matt and Chris took the kids ALL NIGHT! HALLELUJAH! We had a great time. Really enjoyed the movie although I think I let everyone build it up so much for me that I was a little disappointed. But, it was still meaningful and very much like the book. I found myself remembering the book as I was watching the movie. Lucy reminded me of a dark haired Eleora and I found myself missing her sweet little face. It's just a shame that this movie is overshadowed by movies like "Brokeback Mountain." Saw the previews for that and got the willies. Normally, gay themed things don't even phase me, but for some reason this one gave me the creeps. Go figure.

I got a design job! J's dad is starting two new businesses and hired me to design two logos and business cards. So, that's pretty cool. I finished the logo design and am on to the bc's. Shouldn't be too hard. But, it's nice to be paid for what you do. I'm still considering going back to school to study graphic design, but think I'll have to wait until Sam is in school. I really enjoy it, just wish I knew everything about Photoshop so that I'm not constantly having to refer to the book. That stuff comes really easy to me, so it makes it fun.

Anyway, just had to rant for a few minutes. I'm feeling very tired and my back is killing me, so I'll log off. If you want to read a really great blog debate, check out Jason Coker's blog. Really cool discussion!

Adios,
Jen

er

Last night I watched a very thought provoking episode of "ER". For those of you who don't watch it, bear with me. This episode centered around a young girl, who at 15 found herself pregnant. As you find out close to the end, she was raped at a party. Her parents are very religious and want her to have the baby, obviously. However, the doctors try to talk her into an abortion, obviously. In the end, Luca puts some kind of new thing called a "lucerna?SP?" inside her to help cause a miscarriage - without her parents knowledge. She asked for the procedure.
What do you think? It was a very difficult show for me to watch. I feel so strongly about this issue, however it gave me pause. What if it was Cais? What if this happened to her? It's different than just being irresponsible, she was raped. I don't know. I don't think I would tell her to have an abortion, but I don't know if I would MAKE her have it either. J and I decided that if this were to ever happen, God forbid, we would let her make whatever decision she needed to make and support her in it.
What would YOU do? Just curious.....like I said, it was very thought provoking.

insanity

Sometimes I think I'm insane. Now I know that some of you THINK you already know that, but I'm serious!
So I started on Monday morning and a small part of me was bummed....INSANITY!!! I was thinking about how much I love my chickadees and how flippin cute they are and I thought "well....maybe it wouldn't be too bad..." INSANITY!!
Anyway, thanks Jenell for offering to take the new one.....I got a few chuckles when I read that. I'm already afraid you're going to steal Sam when you come! HA!
So, I'm not pregnant, nor do I want to be. But, if it were ever to happen, I guess I'd be OK with that too......INSANITY!!!!

update

Well, the test came out negative but still no nothing! ARGH! I'll keep you posted!

happy new year

2005 has come and gone and with it a lot of memories and good times. J and I were reminiscing the other night and going over the year. It's amazing what God can do in one year to change us and build our faith.
This time last year I was at my end. I didn't know what was going to happen, and I wasn't sure I wanted to. I knew that God was working, but working at what, was my question. My family was with me, and I didn't want them to leave. Leaving meant that yet again I would have to say goodbye. I told J that he had to promise that I would never have to say goodbye to them again....of course he couldn't do that....which made me sob even more.
2006 brings a year full of promise and tests. Aion Construction is going full swing and we are encouraged by the contacts J has made and the favor that God haa had on him. I love being with my family and living in Phoenix! It is so great to be able to call my mom and know she is just around the corner if I need help. My kids love being with Niall and Charys. Wil is in love with his uncle Matt. It is really the fulfillment of a dream!
But, I have to say that something has happened that is shaking me to the core, and is putting me right back to where I was at the end of last year. I am late....six days to be exact....and I am really starting to panic. We took extreme measures (J's words - Ha!) to make sure this wouldn't happen again and now it seems like it might be. What's done is done, and if I am pregnant we'll have to deal with it. However, I am struggling with feelings of panic, anger, and selfishness. I really don't want to be pregnant....I don't enjoy it....I get sick...and my body doesn't deal well with it either. You all know how I feel, just put yourself in my place. This is difficult for me. I have never been in the position where I am not excited to not have my period! ARGH! Lots of frustration right now....sorry if this is rambling....we're going to get a test today to see what's going on. Please be praying for us. J is having to deal with a looney wife right now.....and he himself is very conflicted about his feelings. Maybe it's just holiday stress....but I just don't know. I'll post with the results tomorrow....
Happy New Year to me????????????
Happy New Year to you all! May God truly bless and enrich your lives with His love for you in the coming year. We all have surprises in store for us, I'm sure!
Love You All,
Jen

Christmas

I hope that everyone's holiday plans are going well. We leave for ABQ on the 23rd and return home on the 27th. Christmas cards are on their way, half the Christmas goodies are made, gifts are all bought (except for J's dad, for whom I never know what to get), and all the decorations/tree are up. It's hard to feel Christmasy when the leaves are just now changing on the trees, but I have to say I'm loving the 65-70 degree weather! I miss you all so much. I'm having quite a bout of homesickness right now. But, I do NOT miss the snow! We went to a boat light parade this weekend and they had snow there for the kids to play in. Needless to say, we pretty much avoided that area! HA! I love being with my family; but after having made all of you my family for eight years, I can say that I really miss you all too!
I hope that you all have a great Christmas. Enjoy your families, play in the snow and remember that Jesus loves you all so much.

P.S. - If you have not read the book "Christ the Lord - Out of Egypt" by Anne Rice, you have to get it! One of the best books I've ever read. If you didn't know, Anne Rice is a born again Christian - doesn't regret the Vampire stuff - but is writing in a new direction now. Jason, I would really be interested on your take on this book. Fascinating!

fun

How long has it been since you've had some good old-fashioned fun with your spouse? To be honest, before yesterday it had been awhile for me. We decided to have our Aion Christmas party...HA HA HA....yesterday. SO, my parents took the kids and we went to go have some fun.
And we did! We went to see "Walk The Line" (which I have to say is one of the top 5 best movies I've ever seen...if Joaquin Phoenix doesn't at least get nominated for the Oscar it will be a shame.)and got a large popcorn and coke (which I never get, because it's too many calories). We held hands and cuddled during the movie. We had such fun! We then went to Chili's for dinner and had soup and steaks (which I never get because it's too much $$). We talked and laughed and ate and laughed some more. It was so much.....fun! We did things that we never get to do because of kids, money or dieting. It was just one day...but it was much needed. We've been so occupied with the business and kids that we have been neglecting our marriage.
I think that sometimes we get so busy with everything else that J and Jen get lost in the shuffle.
And speaking of fun, we went to the Gilbert Vineyard this morning. We were really nervous, because we didn't know a soul. But, everyone was really friendly. It reminded me a lot of Jason and Jenell's church. There are three services on Sunday morning. The pastor was someone that preached at the Tempe Vineyard this summer, so we were familiar with him. This Sunday was "Table Church." They do this about 4 times a year. They set up round tables and everyone sits together and does like a small group. There were discussion questions and an actual ministry time! This is much more like the Vineyard's that J and I are familiar with. They have their own facility and it is really nice. So, needless to say, I was impressed. They do have a dance team - HALLELUJAH! It was enough to make us want to check it out again next Sunday. I think that my parents and Matt and Chris would enjoy it as well. SO, we'll see! But, it was hopeful!
Anywhoo...it was a nice weekend. Lots of FUN!

reunion

Well...I'm tired. We had a wonderful weekend with my family. It was so great to see all my cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. We have grown a lot since our last reunion two years ago. It was really fun and worth all the hard work!

Thursday - We met at the church at 2 pm and totally pigged out! One thing about my family - we KNOW how to cook! We had tons of food and just had fun visiting and catching up. My aunt Jerri showed a video presentation in memory of Andrea before we left. It was sad, but neat to see old pictures of all of us as kids and remembering Andrea... Her boys were able to be there and it was good to see them.

Friday - We all did different things during the day. I went shopping with my Aunt Jackie, grandma, my cousin's wife Nikki, Chris and my mom. It was fun, but BUSY! We had a Mexican potluck in the evening with a game night after. We played games for about three hours! I played "SongBurst" with my cousins and we laughed and laughed! If you have never played that game, it is hysterical!

Saturday - We had a family picnic at the park all day. We played all kinds of games, ate (like we needed to!), and visited. It was great. That evening, we went to Joe's BBQ for dinner. Afterward we said goodbye to everyone and my Aunt Jackie, Uncle Jim, Casey (his partner),my grandparents and my cousin Ryan and Nikki came over to our house to look around. It was nice to finally show my grandparents where I live. They have never been to a house that was mine before.

All in all, it couldn't have been better. The kids all got along and hardly fought.
I realized several things while I was with my family this weekend:
1. My uncle Jim and his partner Casey are precious people. Even though I may not agree with homosexuality, I love my uncle very much. They are careful not to push it in anyone's face and are respectful. They are so fun to be with and J and I have had some heartfelt discussions about this whole issue. Both of us have/had uncles that are/were gay.
2. Even though my aunt Jackie and I have had some rocky times, I know she loves me like I was her own. She has been a very important person in my life for most of my life. She is great and I love her so much. She takes the time to have a relationship with all her nieces and nephews...and it pays off for her, because I know that we all feel the same way about her.
3. This might be the last time that my grandparents will be a part of all this. I was so sad to see that time is taking its toll. My grandma and grandpa are very special people and I don't want them to get old. They took great pains to make sure our family took and still takes time for each other.
4. My mom is one hard worker! She put all of this together, organized everyone and made sure that everyone had a good time. I just took orders! HA! It was interesting to see this side of her!

Anyway, this is becoming a book! Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and took the time to thank God for your own families! Wish we could've been with you all!

thanksgiving

As I go into a really crazy weekend with my family reunion, I want to pause and say "thanks" to all of you who have stood by and with me for a long time.

Alyson - Thanks for being such a great friend. I so enjoy our talks, even though we don't get to talk very often now, it's always like no time has passed. Thanks for keeping in touch even though we live apart. God is really working in your life, and that is so exciting and wonderful to see. We are praying for your mom and hope that this Thanksgiving is special, even under the circumstances.

Jason and Jenell - Thanks for being such a safe place for me to go to. I had such a good time when Cais and I were there! You have both been such incredible friends to both J and I. We miss you and your laughs! Jenell, thanks for everything. You are such an incredible example to all who you come in contact with. You are a beautiful, talented woman and I am proud to call you my friend. Enjoy your Thanksgiving with Dave and Denise...please tell them we said "Hi".

Marlene - Thanks for your constant support and encouragement. There are some days that I feel like I'm about "done in" and I'll get an email from you telling me that you guys are praying. Thanks for taking on such a daunting task at the church. I have heard from many people that you are doing a fanatastic job. I am so thankful to count you as a friend! I hope that your Thanksgiving is wonderful and relaxing.

I just felt like I needed to do that. Sometimes we get so caught up in the craziness of life that we forget that we need to thank and be thankful for all those who have made a difference in our lives.
Anyway, my family is here and everyone has made it safely. It's so great to visit with everyone and see how two years has made such a difference in everyone's lives. This will be a difficult time for us, as Andrea will not be here to celebrate with us. It is weird to think that she won't be here. Her boys are coming though and for that I am thankful. Her kids are about the same age as Cais and Sam.

I love you all!
Jen

mitford

I just finished reading the last book in the Mitford series. I'm feeling a little sad that this is the last time that I'm going to hear from these characters. "The Light from Heaven" is the seventh and final book about Father Tim and his people. It was a beautiful book that tied up most of the loose ends and ended how books like this should end.

I love happy endings. I love going to Mitford. I would love being a member in Father Tim's church - even if I have never been Episcopalian! I love the author - Jan Karon. She writes about a place that I would love to be a part of - even with all the snow! HA! Imagine that!

In my head I know that these people aren't real, but my heart still grieved when Uncle Billy died. I loved that Dooley and Lace end up together. I'm so glad that Father Tim and Cynthia are finally going on their long awaited vacation to Ireland.

I'll say it again...I love going to Mitford. When things in my world aren't fun or going the right way, all I have to do is open one of those books and I am transported into that world. A world where seasons come and seasons go, but relationship is the most important thing. A world where things go wrong, but there are people there to help pick up the pieces. A world where family means something!

I have to say that Father Tim has preached me a few sermons in these books. I have learned about a faith that knows no bounds. I have learned that we need to give thanks in EVERYTHING...no matter how good or bad it is!

And so I close with a heavy heart. I know that's a little dramatic, but I'm really sad that there won't be an eighth book to look forward to. If you ever get a chance to read these books, you should. The journey to Mitford is one you won't soon forget.

decisions

We have decided to start looking for a new church. We like the church we currently attend, but just don't feel like it's the right fit. This decision is hard, primarily because it means starting over yet again. We feel that we have gone about all this the right way, and know that this church just doesn't have what we need.
Last Sunday, we attended their welcome class. It was your basic Vineyard 101 class, background and vision stuff. I asked about dance and was told that I could lead a small group, but there wasn't room in the movie theater to dance. So, I couldn't ever dance in church. The pastor doesn't like free dance, with good reason. After careful consideration and prayer, I just feel that I need to go to a church that fully embraces dance and has an established team. This is what God called me to do with Cais and I feel that I need to honor that, no matter how uncomfortable that makes me. At BSF today, our leader said "Sacrifice is not a sacrifice unless it is a sacrifice." So true. This is a sacrifice to me, because this (dance) is always the first question I have to ask now.
It's interesting, because while J and I have been deciding this, my entire family has been in this same process. Matt and Chris and my mom and dad will be leaving the church either before or after Christmas. It's funny to me that this is all happening at the same time. I have known for some time that they have not been happy there, but just chalked it up to talk and not much more. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people leaving right now. I think it's a combination of needs not being met and giftings not being used because the leadership feels people aren't "good enough." Sadly, how are people ever going to learn how to do what God has called them to unless they are allowed to try, sometimes fail and then try again? I know from personal experience that the fact that Judy and Alyson allowed me to be on the dance team and were patient and worked with me, allowed me to build confidence to be able to actually dance before a congregation. It wasn't instant, but they saw that I was serious about what God had said and mentored that desire in my heart. Unless people are allowed to do that, how are new leaders, thoughts, ideas, music, worship going to be raised up?
Growing up as a pastor's kid has made me a little jaded when it comes to church. I tend to question motives and be very cynical - especially about church politics. Working in the church has made me really disillusioned with people in general. It seems that everyone wants a piece of the "action" without taking any responsibility for nuturing it and helping it grow. However, growing up a PK has enabled me to see these things and try to work to change it. I feel so much freedom in being able to make this decision. This is new for me, as I have never had to look for another church before. Weird.
Sorry my thoughts are rambling....I'm just processing all of this and hope it makes sense. We are going to try the Gilbert Vineyard after Thanksgiving and go from there. Pray that we are able to find a new church home quickly and without too much drama.

pure

It's always amazing to me how God uses words of knowledge when we least expect it.
About a year and a half ago, a man named Bobby Conner came to our church to speak. He had a prophecy for each member of the staff and I was really surprised that I was included. He just spoke two scriptures over my name: Matthew 5:8 and Job 42:5. Here is what they say:

Matthew 5:8 - "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."
Job 42:5 - "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you."

I always laughed when I thought of those verses, because if you know me AT ALL you know that I feel like a person who is not the least bit pure of heart! A man in our church started calling me "pure heart" when addressing me and I used to smile and think "ummm...no!"
However, over the last two weeks, both of these verses have been used either in Sunday service or BSF to encourage and enlighten me.
We sing a song in church about how "my ears have heard and now my eyes shall see your glory". On Sunday, our pastor, John Hernandez spoke about being pure of heart. Instead of addressing it like being pure of heart is always having pure thoughts/motives, he said that being pure of heart is having room in your heart ONLY for God and letting His love pour out over all the other things in your life (like family/spouse/finances, etc...) He had us make a list of all the things that we crowd into our heart and place over God. I think I wrote down 20 things....seriously! I was so convicted! And then it hit me....those who are pure of heart shall see God because God is all they see! When we start living like serving God is the most important thing, all things will fall into the place where GOD intends them to be.
Pray for me. We are taking the welcome class at our church and will have to make a decision in two weeks whether we would like to be members or not. We are really undecided and are feeling a little confused.
This learning stuff is kicking my butt.....but I have to say that I am SO loving it right now!