joy and giving thanks...

Happy Thanksgiving to you all! We are excited to be staying in Phoenix this year for the holiday season. NO TRAVELING! Hooray! But, I hope for all of you who are, that you will be safe and enjoy the time with family and friends.

I attended the Women of Faith conference this past weekend with my mom and cousin, Lesha. We had a great time and really enjoyed the conference as a whole. There was one speaker that really stood out to me, maybe because we have similar backgrounds, or maybe because she just spoke something that really hit me where I live. Her name was Luci Swindoll (sister of Chuck) and she talked about how we should celebrate life and find the pockets of joy in everyday - even the bad ones! I can't remember everything she said, but the theme of her talk really convicted me.

As most of you know, I am a pretty pessimistic person - definitely a glass half empty type of gal if you know what I mean. I have a hard time seeing the good in the bad. I realized this weekend that it has been a long time since I had a good belly laugh. It is much easier to see the bad stuff going on, focus on that and forget that there is always joy to be found. So, in order to get myself headed in a different direction, I am going to list 5 things that bring me joy:

1. My husband. We have a very difficult year thus far. With the closing of our business, almost filing bankruptcy, and some personal issues....we have been skating on some pretty thin marital ice. However, J brings me so much joy! He is always trying to find ways to make me smile. He sometimes goes to the extreme of nuttiness in order to do so, but he can always wring a smile or laugh out of me. I choose to love him every day for the rest of my life. He is my joy.
2. My kids. While they may drive me crazy, they do things every day that bring me so much joy. From snuggling up to me on the couch to helping out with house cleaning - they always want to see me happy. I want to enjoy this time in their lives. I choose to focus on the "pockets of joy" vs. the bad moments. They are my joy.
3. My parents. I have so enjoyed the last year and a half of living near them. They are such special people and I am so glad that they are my parents. I choose to enjoy the good times and not focus on the sad ones. They are my joy.
4. My new house. I can't wait to move in! I am looking forward to clean carpet and the freshness that a new house brings. I choose to focus on the excitement of moving in and not the anxiety of mortgage payments or the possibility of finding a job. Finally moving into a house that is 'ours" will bring me joy!
5. My church. Finally, a place where we feel a sense of belonging! We have been so welcomed by all these people in Amadeo. We are moving to Sundays in a couple weeks and I feel a certain anticipation in that. I feel that God is telling us to get ready! I choose to walk in that anticipation! These people and this church bring me joy.

There! That wasn't too bad! I want to choose to walk in faith that God will continue to bring me reminders to look for the pockets of joy in my life. Life...celebrate it....live...laugh...learn...love. (Luci Swindoll). May God begin to show you the small things to be thankful for during this time. I am so thankful for all of you!

grumble...grumble....grumble....

It's so annoying how just when you think you're getting on top of things, something comes along to knock you back down.
Sunday morning, J went out to do the paper route around 1:30 am and found that someone had smashed the passenger side window in his truck. So, he brushed the glass aside and did his route. As we were leaving later that morning to take pictures, he discovered that someone has done the same thing to MY passenger side window on the CR-V. ARGH! So, we spent the rest of the day calling the police and insurance companies and cleaning out the glass in both of our cars. Luckily, I have glass coverage on my car, so it's covered. I'm actually waiting for the glass company to come fix it now. Unfortunately, J does NOT have the same coverage so it's going to cost us $180 to fix his window. How irritating is that? Some stupid person decides to get their jollies off of breaking our windows and WE have to pay for it??????? Grumble....grumble...grumble....

I guess I should be happy that no one was hurt and that nothing was stolen from inside the cars. J had cash in his truck and that wasn't gone. It just makes me so mad that people do this - what is up with that?

In better news - the financing on the house is going through fine. The payments are about what we thought they would be, so that's a relief. There is one loan that our mortgage guy is trying to get for us. It would be so great, but we have a 50/50 chance of getting it. So PRAY that it comes though. We went to the design center last week and picked out our carpet/tile and appliances. That was really fun. The house is moving right along. It's painted and the countertops are in. We go by about once a week to see the progress. The kids are enjoying that.

We had a fun Halloween, although we've decided that going to a church carnival might be the better way to go next year. We have so much candy - not good for someone who really shouldn't have any chocolate at all! It's going to find a special hiding place today. Probably in the bottom of my freezer! HA!

That's about it for now! We are moving right along! Looking forward to going to the zoo with Cais on Thursday for a field trip. The kids have Friday off of school, so we're going to hang out with my friend Jessica and her boys at the park. No soccer this week and next weekend is the last weekend! HOORAY! Looking forward to having a break from that. Sam is going to play next season (Jan-Mar), but Cais has decided to try something else....gymnastics perhaps?

We miss and love you all!

Happy Halloween

Here are my cute kiddos from Halloween. We had fun - just went trick or treating in our neighborhood and my parent's. Cais was a princess, Sam was a Ninja Turtle and Wil was Swiper the Fox from Dora.

one year later...

I just realized that it's been just a little over a year since I started this blogging process. It's funny when you go back and look at a year's worth of writing and see how much you've changed and how differently you view the world around you.
For me, I realize that I have a much more realistic view of life than ever before. There have been several things happen in the last year to make me realize that life is definetly what you choose to make it. You can either decide to lay down and die, or pick yourself up, dust off and move forward.

Choice is a difficult thing. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to be able to make my own choices and do my own thing. Little did I realize that those years were the golden moments of life. Choices were made for you - no deciding where money was coming from and to whom it was going to. You lived life freely - no constraints of time, money, cell phones, children, mortgages, etc... What a life!

As an adult, hindsight is 20/20. I long for the days of childhood. Somedays I would like to just ride my bike outside for hours - without the pain on my knees! HA! But I do see that being able to make my own choices is one of the greatest teaching tools I have ever had in my life. I don't regret my choices, because I have either learned something from the results, or they have shaped my into who I am today.

I have recently been challenged with a choice in my personal life. It has pushed me to the brink of who I am and what I believe about life and loving others in general. Never before have I had to dig so deeply into myself and press into God as I have in this situation. But through this challenege I have come into a new awareness of what choice really is. It is obedience. It is sacrifice. It is giving up control of what YOU want and viewing the situation through God's eyes. Agape love...look it up...live it for a week....my challenge to you....

In other news....we are moving right along! We qualified for the house and now we have to figure out how to pay for it! HA! Pray for us as we seek God's will in this. Going back to work is looking like the only option, so pray that God will provide the right job with the right schedule for me. Will probably start looking after Christmas.
We are getting ready for Halloween on Tuesday. I'll post pics then - should be cute!
Hope all is well where you are. I'm so looking forward to the holidays - my favorite time of year. Remember....Phoenix is beautiful in the winter....come visit!

TV Observations

Grey's Anatomy - Meredith should definitely be on drugs more often! That was hilarious. Although I was disappointed she ended up picking Derek, the drug scenes were worth it. 8 million for Izzy? Who knew Denny was so loaded?

ER - If you did not watch this last night, you missed out on one of the funniest scenes I've seen in awhile. The Mommy and Me class fiasco was so funny - I could totally identify....I have one of those Snuggli baby holders and have encountered the same stupidity in regards to it.....made me glad I never went to one of those classes......Abby's comeback was priceless!

Anyway, just a couple observations from someone who was FINALLY at home for an evening!

Vindication?

I heard on the radio today that in a study of over 5500 kids that breastfed kids are no smarter than formula fed....HA! Vindication?!?!?!?
Sorry - I just had to include that......

Anyway, here is a quick update.
We are doing fine. The church is so wonderful - Ben has been challenging and stretching J and I to think beyond our small circle and so we have been trying to reach out to others in our neighborhood/school/soccer games, etc... Really trying to love others with God's love...which means EVERYONE, no matter how needy or weird or irritating they are! HARD!!!! We are really starting to feel a part of something amazing. Everyone has been so welcoming and encouraging. It so reminds me of what we had in Heber....
Kids are great. This picture is from Crazy Hair day...Sam had a mohawk (which you can't see real well) and Cais had pigtails all over her head. It's Spirit Week at Destiny, so they are having fun. A whole week with no uniforms! They are looking forward to Halloween and Fall Break (next week). Wil is doing great too. He so wants to be in school like his brother and sister. So, I think I'm going to try and get him into the Gilbert Park and Rec. program like I did with Sam.
J's job is going well. He has won a couple of bids, so that is encouraging. He has worked so hard, it's nice to see it pay off finally. He is really getting involved in church, with men's group and helping with set-up/tear down.
I'm doing good as well. Doing a little work for Amadeo as well as helping with the women's Bible study. My mom started working a couple days a week, so I have been using those days to get all my housework done. BSF is great - we are studying the book of Romans this year and it has been really interesting. I'm so busy, I can't sit down for two minutes!
We are still looking for a house. We really would like to live in the neighborhood where we have church. Please pray that God would lead us to where HE wants us to be. We want to be effective witnesses in our neighborhood! Luckily, we have a couple months before we have to make any decisions.
Anywhoo....that was a longer update that I expected! Hope all is well with all of you!

welcome baby cloud

Congrats to Ben and Mandy on the birth of Grayson Bono Cloud. Born yesterday at 7:25 pm - weighing in at 8 lbs. 10 ozs. and 21 inches long. Heard he's cute and chubby! Hooray for a healthy birth!

happy birthday j

Monday was J's 30th birthday. We went to Buca di Beppo on Saturday for his party. We had a great time. His mom, Betty was here and our friends Ben and Mandy and J's boss Marty came along with my parents and Aaron and Christina. I think he was pleasantly surprised by everyone and was very blessed. Here are some pics of our time together:

The kids


Mom and Dad


Aaron and Christina


Ben and Mandy

misunderstood

I guess I need to clarify what I said in my previous post. I was pretty steamed when I read the article, so a lot of that was venting.
No, I am not mad at breastfeeding moms. I think that if you can do that - great!
No, I do not feel that any of you have made me feel bad for bottle feeding...for goodness sake, Jenell practically drove to my apartment herself to give Cais a bottle!
I am not ashamed of having to bottle feed by kids. Like I said, I'm just really tired of making excuses for doing so.
I AM tired of reading article after article making breastfeeding sound like if you don't do it, you are a bad mom or your kids will be "less than". Disagree if you want, but it's the truth. EVERY mom I have ever met who bottle feeds will tell you the same thing.
Geez people.....don't you know me at all?????

rant

OK - I have to say that if I hear one more thing about how breastfed babies are smarter, prettier, nicer, don't get sick/ear infections, more apt to go to college, more likely to win a Nobel Peace Prize, etc...I am going to puke!
The newest insult stems from an article I read in my Parents magazine today. NOW, not only are breastfed babies all of the above and so much more, NOW they don't wet the bed as much as their formula fed counterparts. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have tried to be nice about this, but I am taking the gloves off. JUST BECAUSE YOU BREASTFEED YOUR BABY...DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE PERFECT AND NEITHER IS YOUR CHILD!
Believe me, I have seen lots of breastfed babies and I like the fact that my kids were formula fed. My kids have had their share of problems, but NONE of my three kids had any issue potty training! And, they had formula every day until they were a year old! I got to sleep and my husband got to take a turn at 2 in morning! I am DONE making excuses about why I didn't breastfeed! Maybe it was - gasp - because it's a complete pain it the butt and more trouble than it's worth??!!?!?! Everyone else gets to have an opinion, but mine doesn't count - PLEASE!!!
Every kid does stuff at their own pace and in their own timing. WHO CARES!!!!!!!!! Why does everything have to be a competition? And this is from someone who is very competitive! Good grief, don't we have bigger problems in our world to deal with? No, we have to give out "grant" money for the sake of studying breastfeeding and potty training?!?!?!?! In the words of one of my favorite reporters, John Stossel,- GIVE ME A BREAK!

soccer stars

Here are a couple pics of my "soccer stars" in action this weekend. Cais won her game (2-0) and ALMOST scored. Sam's team lost (5-3), but he got to play goalie for the first time ever and as you can see, he loved it! He blocked three shots and only got scored on once! He is the youngest player on the team and can play with the best of them. I was really proud of both of them. One of the boys on Cais' team has a crush on her (his mom told me). That was a little weird to hear! I don't know that J and I are quite ready for that! HA!
Anyway, enjoy the pics! I'll post more towards the middle of the week.

here's to you Jenell

I ate at Golden Corral tonight.....enough said.......

growing pains

Where do I begin....I guess at the beginning...only seems the most obvious....
Anyway, going to church is hard. Anyone else feel that way? Especially when you are new. I swear, to come from a church where everyone knows your name and then to go somewhere where no one does is hard. (Anybody feel like singing the theme song from "Cheers" here??? Ha!)
Don't get me wrong. I'm really excited about Amadeo. We had our first service last night and I was able to see what God is doing in the midst of us. It was really great to finally start. I'm sure the others who started this whole thing felt the same way.
But, it's difficult to explain the feeling of walking into a room and having people smile at you and not really know who you are or why you're there. Again, that feeling of being "known". What is up with that?
It's very curious to me why I feel this way. No one has made me feel unwelcome...but here I am, feeling sad and down....over nothing really! I guess I'm feeling impatient. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin again. I haven't felt that way in almost two years. Going back to Park City probably was a set back for me. While I know we are in the right place, I also really miss our "family" in Utah.
I think that's why last night was hard for me. In Utah I would be the one in charge of the peripheral stuff and everyone would be coming to me saying "Jen, what do you want me to do?" Instead I'm asking that same question and people are looking at me like "who are you?" OK - maybe this is a control thing....I don't know.
Jenell and I have been talking a lot lately about missing what we used to have. It's hard when the people you want to see the most live a zillion miles away and you can't just call them up and say "let's go get a coffee, I need to cry..." I don't have someone like that here for me, so I think that's why I'm feeling this way.
OK - this is making me cry now, so I'm going to stop writing about this. I'm OK - just needed to get that off my chest.
Everything else is great. Planning J's birthday party (the big 3-0) and I've invited lots of people to come (Betty is coming too! YEA!). We're going to have it at Buca di Beppo, which should be fun! The kids are doing great - but are soooooo busy! I'm questioning why I thought that soccer and kid's bible clubs would work.....oh well! They're hanging in there.... Their first games are on Saturday, so we are looking forward to that. Luckily for us, Cais' practice is in our subdivision. I took on the position of VP for our PTSO at school, so that enables me to put in my time that we're supposed to for the school. But, it just makes me busier....HA! Maybe that's good for right now....growing pains...who knew???

angels

Well, all I can say is that J has BIG angels watching over him. This happened yesterday in the parking lot at Target. A lady was in a big hurry to get back to work and gunned in out of her parking space without looking and backed right into J. Cais and Wil were with him....luckily, no one was hurt. So now we get to go through the fun tasks of getting the car fixed, driving a rental car and replacing Wil's car seat. Once a child in a car seat has been in an accident, the seat is no longer termed "usable". I have to say that we are so lucky. J had his window rolled down and his arm hanging out of the window. He saw the woman in time and pulled his arm back inside. If he hadn't, we'd be talking a lot more seriously right now. She would've smashed his arm...possibly damaging it for life. ANGELS I'm telling you!

Other than that fun start to our week, all is well. Haven't seen any lice and had a LONG talk with the principal about it. She calmed a lot of my fears. Sam and Hurl are still the best of friends. I know the kid's name is strange, but he is totally cute and just loves Sam. You don't know how I've prayed for Sam to have a guy friend his age! We had a nice weekend just hanging out with my parents. Had dinner with friends on Saturday, church on Sunday and car crashes on Monday! HA! Actually, my parents babied us on Monday and we went to lunch and played mini golf. So, just a nice relaxing weekend. BSF starts next week and my mom is going to be the Treasurer and I will be her assistant! HA! I'm really looking forward to going through the book of Romans.

Hope you all had a great weekend. MATT SELF! IF YOU ARE READING THIS, CALL ME AND LET'S MAKE SOME PLANS FOR YOU GUYS AND US GUYS TO GET TOGETHER!!!!!

bugs and other nasty things....

As you all know, I hate bugs... pretty much any kind, with the possible exception of ladybugs and praying mantis'. They completely creep me out and I always scream like a little girl when I first see them. Last week, I saw a cricket on a box I was trying to get into and I screamed until my throat hurt!
The bug I hate the worst? Mosquitos....definitely....and of course due to all the rain we've had over the last couple of weeks, we have an infestion of the little blood suckers. If you know me well, you know that when I get mosquito bites they swell up to the size of quarters. You also know that I tend to get many if I get one. So as you probably already can guess, I have had many mosquito bites in the last week....25 to be exact....and I'm NOT exaggerating! YUCK!
The only other thing I hate worse than bugs are things that are dirty. And of course, God, with His hilarious sense of humor has seen to it that both of these things have come together to make my life hell. (I'm NOT being dramatic! :))
I got a note yesterday saying that a child in Cais' class has/had lice. Ummmm...you have no idea how grossed out that made me. I swear I itched all afternoon/evening! To make matters worse, this kid is a friend of Cais', so we have to check her for lice for the next two weeks! I know that most of you are laughing your butts off right now, but it's NOT FUNNY! I'm seriously freaked out! Poor Cais, she had to take a shower yesterday as soon as she got home from school and I made her wash her hair like 5 times. Then, I took all her clothes that she wore that day, along with her sheets and towels and I washed them in HOT water. I have no idea what I'm going to do if she gets it. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other news, school is going well for both kids. Sam is quite the popular little boy - all the girls is his class wait by the fence to tell him goodbye every afternoon. SIGH! Who would blame them? That kid is so darn cute! Cais is doing well too. Mastering subtraction has been hard, but she is doing much better. Wil misses his sissy and Sam, but really likes the time alone with Mommy. Matt and Chris got him a new bike for his birthday and he is trying hard to make his legs long enough to work it! J is really enjoying his job, although he is extremely busy. The church plant starts in two weeks and we are ready! The kids start soccer in two weeks as well. We are going to be busy!

Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement during this time. So many of you have helped in so many different ways. We are so grateful and blessed to have you all as our friends (actually, family). Our prayer is that God would use this time in our lives to help us remember those who are in the same situation. Maybe one day we'll be able to return the favor!

mondays

I always start out Monday with the best of intentions of getting things done and then something always gets in my way!
I have been trying to clean out my kid's toys for about a week now. I have an appointment with a resell shop in town TOMORROW and I want to try to sell a few of their better toys/clothing. Unfortunately, the cleaning out hasn't happened so far, and it's already 4 pm! ARGH!
I still have three loads of laundry to do, but I can't start that until 8 pm, because of our energy saver electricity thing. I have to balance the checkbook, but who wants to do that? I have work to do, but cannot find the motivation to do anything but sit on my butt staring at my computer screen!
Is it the heat? Is it my kids? No, it's just a general feeling of lethargy I've had lately. I don't want to do anything. I think it's because my body and mind are finally allowing themselves to unwind after three plus months of insanity....
So, I'm going to allow myself this one day of nothingness. Although, I've still done three loads of laundry this morning, and went to the grocery store. Tonight, while J is at Bible study, maybe I'll find the motivation to go upstairs and get to work on the toy situation...and then again, maybe I won't....SO THERE!

changes....

OK...Here I am with my new glasses. I have to wear them all the time now. The doctor says that my astigmatism is so bad that he can't believe that I'm driving or walking around without them! GULP! Not my favorite look....but I did get them with the Transitions lenses.




Also, here is a pic of Sam with his first lost tooth! He lost it last night, and it was only loose one day! Lots of changes! Fun, fun!

happy birthday wil!

Wil turned three on Friday. I can't believe it!

Saturday, we went to Desert Breeze Park for his party. Brian and Jessica w/Anthony and Justin, Nancy and Kris, and Christina were there along with my parents. They have a splash pad there and a huge playground. The big plus is that they have a train, which goes around the park. So, Wil was in heaven. He LOVES trains! However, he wanted Bob the Builder, so we did that along with a dump truck cake (pictured above). It was BY FAR the easiest cake I've ever made. If you want the recipe, let me know.

So, we are doing well. It is nice to just be relaxed about life right now. The church plant is going to get started in September and I'm going to help with the admin stuff....I know....I can already hear the laughing.....
Kids are doing fine in school. They both have made friends and are all smiles when I pick them up. No meltdowns so far! HOORAY!

funny side note

Guess what Sam's new friend's name is???? I made him prove it to me yesterday by showing me his snack list.... I don't know what this name is all about, must be a family name or something....
His name is.....HURL! Yes, that's right...a name...not a verb....
I just thought this was really funny. Only Sam....

growing up

Last night I decided to create a shirt that says "I survived the first day of school....AGAIN!" Two down and one to go! With school starting today, I can honestly say that I'm glad I only have to go through this one more time. I don't think my heart could take much more.
After crying myself to sleep last night, I awoke to a severe headache and knot in my stomach. I got up early, as I was meeting my mom for breakfast after I dropped the kids off at school. Cais woke up with a bloody nose, but a positive attitude for the day. I had to wake Sam up, but he was in a good mood as well. All in all the morning went great. The kids ate, brushed their teeth, and got their hair combed in record time. As we set off to Destiny, I tried hard to just focus on the excitement they were feeling. We got to the school and I went inside with them to drop off their 8 million school supplies. We then ventured to the playground to line up and get ready for the first day of school. As all the kids stood in line, I realized that I was one mom among many who were struggling with their "baby" heading off to kindergarten.
When the bell rang, all the kids lined up and there was A LOT of excited chatter in the lines. All except kindergarten. Those kids were all a little shell shocked, not quite believing that all this was actually happening. Sam got a little teary when I said goodbye, but he hung tough and marched with his class into their room. Cais, of course, was the center of attention...holding court with her friends like she didn't have a care in the world. I was pleased that she actually kissed me goodbye.
I spent the day with my mom and our friend Kenda, getting her classroom ready for their first day of school on Wednesday. Kenda is a music teacher at another elementary school in town. We had a lot of fun, and it helped keep my mind off of my misery.
At 3 pm, I picked up the kids, full of energy and stories of the day. One kid puked in Sam's class (chalking that one up to nerves, hopefully), another kid got his card turned in Cais' class (behavior). Their little faces were lit with excitement!
But, I have to say that this is no fun for mom. While I am SO happy that they like school, I missed them today. I guess I'll get used to it. Wil was a little lost as well. Not used to having no one but mom to entertain him!
Anyway, just some reflections on the first day of school....the next step in the long process of growing up. I told J that if I was this bad now, what was I going to be like when they left for college or....gasp...for good! WAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!